317 - Blackburg

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Transcript

SPEAKER_12 0:00

So I read this uh this little fucking news blurb the other day uh huh that people are now like injecting their kids with fucking uh what's that shit, Ozempic? Oh honestly, dude. I feel like childhood obesity is a bigger problem than injecting your kids with medication. Yeah. And I kinda I kind of fuck with it. I think it's kind of sick. But I will say to any prospective parents that are gonna do that to their children, it's in pill form now. You can crush it up and put it on their fucking macro. Hell yeah, dude. So maybe just do that.

SPEAKER_08 0:43

Perhaps. Nice. Following filth is a production of the Farm University Kip Chick and your Democratic Department. Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Where wolf mines can find sleep. Yeah. That was uh pretty good, man.

SPEAKER_13 1:07

That was pretty that was pretty artful of you.

SPEAKER_12 1:10

Clever, maybe a little yeah, man. It really clickered with me. God damn. I know. Welcome everyone to Fart Mouth Podcast, a show whose host was recently asked to describe his dating life and described it thusly. It is as if God in heaven came down and said unto me, Tyler, you will be my greatest warrior in the fight against all of demon kind. And I said to him, Thank you, Lord, I accept this honor. What shall my weapon be? Will I wield a holy mace or a sword of light? Perhaps a bow of truth and arrows of justice and steel? And the Lord said unto me, No, my son, you will wield one weapon and one weapon alone, your big fucking floppy meaty meat wand, and thou shalt fuck all of these demons and let them ruin your life repeatedly until you no longer want to date women at all. And I said unto him, My one and only true God, why? Why would you plague me like this?

SPEAKER_00 2:25

And the Lord said, Because I'm not God, I'm the devil, and you're in hell, you fucking idiot, you fucking dumb, stupid piece of shit. You fucking you fucking suck, and I hate you.

SPEAKER_12 2:38

So uh so they don't talk to me anymore. Every week we do a few rotating segments and make each other laugh on time. That was the first thing I thought of this morning. Nice. Yeah I woke up and that was the first thing I thought of.

SPEAKER_07 2:55

That's the best part of waking up right there.

SPEAKER_12 2:57

Yeah, a little injecting some God into your life.

SPEAKER_09 3:00

Yeah, man. I'm the devil.

SPEAKER_12 3:03

Fuck yeah. All right. We're in the we're in the new uh format era. Yeah, yeah. So we're gonna jump right into the first segment of the show. Period. Forever. Would you rather? It was my turn this week, boys and girls. I came up with the fucking theme, and the theme is diapers. And because it's my theme, I go first. Is that what we decided last week? I want to say it was the opposite. I think it's the opposite, bitch. You go first. Oh, okay. Um diapers based would you rattles. This this came to me because I uh I've gone back to I I fuck just play like random shit on Spotify when I'm falling asleep, like people telling stories and such. And uh I it autoplayed to this dude named Turkey Tom that does like internet drama stuff. Yeah, yeah. And I woke up after a nap to this dude talking about this guy named uh Andrew Ditch that uh he was like a he like it he's a weird fucking guy, first of all, but he like would wear diapers and poop in them and it was like a fetish thing. Oh yeah. So diapers was on my mind today.

SPEAKER_07 4:20

Yeah, mine is straight down the middle, back to basics. Okay. Not too not not a lot. It's not Macho Man Randy Savage's shirts. It's just a regular ass t-shirt, dude. It doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles and trim and uh fluorescent colors. What's the what's the what's that shit called? I'm not gay, so I don't know. Tassels? Yeah, but it's like it's not it has a word that it's a it's a word. Frills? Yeah, maybe. It's like that. Anyway, that it doesn't have any of that stuff on it.

SPEAKER_12 4:53

No frills. It's uh that's a that's a commonly used phrase.

SPEAKER_07 4:56

Straight down the fucking yeah, but this is this has like a name. It's it's a it's like when it's got a bunch of danglies all on the all where the sleeves should be. Anyway. Would you rather use male diapers for a year? Male diapers? You mean adult diapers? God damn it. I just read.

SPEAKER_12 5:18

I just read the male diapers have like cars and monster trucks on them and channels.

SPEAKER_07 5:25

Oh my god, dude. It's got a racing stripe. Oh my god, my brain. I can't believe I I don't know why I put mail. That's insane. My stupid ass brain, like at three o'clock today. You know, like those uh male diapers?

SPEAKER_12 5:40

All those me undies ads where they got like there's a nut holster.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 5:45

The diapers got a nut holster in it, and a place where you could put your fucking Glock. I guess those would be male diapers, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 5:51

Dude, that would be a sick way to market your diapers. It's like there's a place where you could it's a utility belt, you could put hang your gun holster off of it. And your phone. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 6:02

Clip your phone to your diaper belt.

SPEAKER_07 6:04

Yeah. It's got a pouch for your life alert. It's solid gold. It's the trunk diaper. Yeah, yeah. Would you rather use m adult? God, I almost said male diapers again. Adult diapers for a year.

SPEAKER_12 6:20

I saw you trying to fix it on your phone before you had to say it again.

SPEAKER_07 6:24

Use adult diapers for a year. Yeah. Adult in this case, they would be male diapers, though, in my defense.

SPEAKER_12 6:31

Right, sure, yeah. Or I would draw flames on them.

SPEAKER_07 6:35

Like those long sleeve t-shirts in middle school. Absolutely, yeah. Uh or eat one baby's shitty diaper. Oh man. And you have you only shit in the diapers, by the way. Okay. Like that you use in the first place.

SPEAKER_12 6:52

I can I can pull my die-dye down and pee pee out of the front.

SPEAKER_07 6:56

Uh no, you have to piss in the diaper. You have to do all of your shit in the diaper and then you have to change it, you know? Like into another diaper. Damn. So it's super inconvenient. Like you're okay, you could think like, yeah, I'll just go to the bathroom, piss and shit in the diaper, and then take it off and clean myself up. You're gonna have to do that for a year.

SPEAKER_12 7:15

Dang. That sounds like heck.

SPEAKER_07 7:18

That's gonna suck. It's gonna be very inconvenient.

SPEAKER_12 7:20

Yeah, and I also uh don't want to eat poop. I don't want to do and the whole diaper.

SPEAKER_07 7:27

You have to eat all the chemicals and whatever else is in the diaper.

SPEAKER_12 7:30

You ever do you think there's ever been a time where you've accidentally eaten poop?

SPEAKER_07 7:38

I mean, uh maybe a smidge.

SPEAKER_12 7:41

Like a little smear. Like a lot. Like you wiped and like just a tiny little fucking speckle.

SPEAKER_07 7:47

Every kid probably ended up on your palm. Oh yeah, when we were kids. Surely. Surely. Every kid eats a little poop.

SPEAKER_12 7:53

We got an ounce of shit that went back into the old digestive tract.

SPEAKER_07 7:58

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. We're just naturally like rabbits. You know, rabbits actually do that. That's a thing they do. They eat their own shit. But like we just kind of accidentally do it by chance. By happenstance, it just happened. Happenstance. It's not it's not a uh an instinct, it just happens. Yeah, the Jews eat their own shit.

SPEAKER_12 8:17

Just a schmear.

SPEAKER_07 8:22

Pull it right out of the tukas. Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, like some other Jew words.

SPEAKER_12 8:28

They have it locked down. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Draydle, Draydle, Draydle, I made you out of scat.

SPEAKER_07 8:38

Yeah. Uh Eric Andre is black and Jewish. If he had a sister, she should be named Yamaka. Because that how's that not accidentally a black name?

SPEAKER_12 8:51

That is, yeah, with an apostrophe. You know? Yamaka. Yamaka.

SPEAKER_07 8:55

Yamaka. Yeah, yeah, you got it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 8:57

Yamanique. That would be her name.

SPEAKER_07 9:00

Well, there's Yamanika is like a comedian. So that's what I'm saying. There is a comedian named Yamanika, so that's pretty close. But Yamaka. Yarmica Sanders. Golly. Yarmica Washington.

SPEAKER_12 9:15

Yeah, I thought Yamonique was so fucking clever. Yamanique? Well, yeah, what I said earlier. Oh, yeah. Because Yarmika, Yamonique. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 9:24

Uh, so I gotta wear a diaper for a year. Well, black people are clever, and they already came up with it. True. They're like the Simpsons. Word. In that regard. And they're a different color, like the Simpsons. So it all works out.

SPEAKER_12 9:39

I love that the people in the Simpsons are yellow. Yeah. And uh they still have black people.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

It's just white people.

SPEAKER_07 9:49

The white people are yellow. We you know, we all get it. We all see what's happening.

SPEAKER_06 9:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 9:54

There's Indian people, black people, yeah, Chinese people and shit. The Chinese people aren't yellow, but the white people are.

SPEAKER_12 10:00

What the fuck, man? That is uh it's backwards. Come on, Matt. Matt Green. Come on, Matthew. Uh so yeah. I feel like now this is gonna sound a little crazy. This is gonna sound a little wacky. It's gonna sound maybe a little bit out there, but I feel like I could maybe use the diaper thing to my advantage. Oh. I'm a single guy now. Yeah, there's not a lot of women around to judge me. True. And I feel like as a gamer, god damn it.

SPEAKER_07 10:47

Okay, here's the thing. I feel like now I have to add a uh just a little bit of sauce onto it, right? You can never step foot. Hold on, not step foot. I guess you gotta take showers. Okay, but you cannot like you can't go to the bathroom. You can your bathroom is now a shower room. Okay, the toilet is uh of no use. Like you you have to do something to where you can't use it. Do something, put some sand in it or something. Like a fucking cat?

SPEAKER_12 11:21

What the hell?

SPEAKER_07 11:23

Like they did to the skate parks during COVID. You gotta put sand in.

SPEAKER_12 11:27

Oh, I forgot about that. Now I'm mad about it all over again.

SPEAKER_07 11:32

Dude, the dude on the bulldozer, like, it'd be funny if he listened to that Joe Rogan episode where Tony Hawk was very disappointed that that happened. Yeah, he's like, Oh man, I pissed off Tony Hawk.

SPEAKER_12 11:44

Well, there's a lot of like super tatted up dudes that do construction. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, and he's probably just like, Man, I'm a fucking I'm a poser now. I'm a fucking poser.

SPEAKER_07 11:54

He listens to Joe Rogan while he's uh playing fucking video games and he's playing Tony Hawk.

SPEAKER_12 12:00

Yeah, he's playing uh you know the as Tony Hawk.

SPEAKER_07 12:03

Yeah. He's like doing the 900 right as Tony Hawk says the most devastating thing.

SPEAKER_12 12:08

I feel that I feel like you're like, oh man, I just gotta turn off the game now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 12:13

He he goes and takes a rape shower after hearing that. The walk of shame and his sand-filled diaper.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

Oh my shoes are full of sand. I gotta turn my life around.

SPEAKER_12 12:25

Gotta go to my shower room because I can't use the it's not a bathroom anymore.

SPEAKER_07 12:29

Oh, you, okay.

SPEAKER_12 12:31

I guess I'm injected into the story.

SPEAKER_07 12:34

Yeah. Uh but back to you. Okay. Off of this Tony Hawk's sand debacle. Um so we're uh I mean, he's from the desert, so it's fine. Um you're gonna you're you can't like use the toilet ever. You can't like put poop down it from the diaper to make disposal easier, like nothing. You can't use it at all. Yeah, I feel like so you cannot go to the bathroom like at work. You have to shit and piss in your diaper.

SPEAKER_12 13:06

I see, I see where you're going.

SPEAKER_07 13:07

There should probably be, I probably should have thought of a time restraint. Like you have to have it on for eight hours, and then you can only take it off to switch to the next diaper.

SPEAKER_12 13:17

Yeah. You know I assume I assumed I was I was trapped in a diaper hell.

SPEAKER_07 13:22

All the time.

SPEAKER_12 13:23

24-7 for a year. I assumed that. What I was getting at was that as a gamer, which I said and made myself laugh like a fucking maniacal retard, is that my efficiency in in the gaming sphere would be exponentially higher. Dude, you never gotta get up.

SPEAKER_04 13:42

Never.

SPEAKER_12 13:43

I'll buy a fucking mini fridge and I'll never leave my goddamn computer room. That's just where I live now.

SPEAKER_07 13:50

Put a microwave in there too? Oh yeah. Just putting Uncle Ben's into a into a fucking bowl you never wash and put it in a microwave.

SPEAKER_12 13:58

I feel like I can go through a bag of chicken nuggets before they spoil in the fridge. You know what? Because you normally you keep them in the freezer because they're gonna be there for a while. I can go through a bag of Nuggies in like three, four days.

SPEAKER_07 14:09

In 2026, you could have everything delivered to you. You literally never get up. You're Cartman in the wow episode. Like you're that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 14:19

I'm the yeah. I think that that is pref more preferable to me than eating doo-doo. Yeah. I feel I feel like that's that's the obvious choice.

SPEAKER_07 14:34

You'd rather sit in doo-doo.

SPEAKER_12 14:35

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I feel like a majority of the population feels that way.

SPEAKER_07 14:41

Because it's like you gotta go to you go to sleep. Let's say midnight to eight is one diaper. You can change it out. How oh well, I don't know. I don't know why you're putting constraints. Well, you wouldn't change it out. It would just be one diaper a day, right? That would that makes sense. Yeah. Right, one diaper a day. Okay. So, you know, everybody goes through diarrhea spells, and you're gonna you're gonna have a day where you're like, God, fucking damn it, when will midnight come?

SPEAKER_12 15:09

Yeah, I feel like maybe, you know, to try to alleviate some of the the pain points that this would bring to me, I would maybe uh get back into intermittent fasting. Ah and try to like you know, strategically time my dumps.

SPEAKER_07 15:25

Yeah, you're gonna be fucking white Gandhi by the end of the year.

SPEAKER_12 15:30

Yeah, this might be a good thing for me. This might be the new fad diet.

SPEAKER_07 15:37

Dude, throw out literally you just look like 20-year-old Keith Buckley at shows.

SPEAKER_12 15:43

Guys, just throw out all your fucking MCT oil and all that bullshit, fucking Oshwagonda. Get rid of your fucking uh broccoli sprouts and shit. Yeah. Get on the die-dye diet. It's the die-eye diet. You just wear a diaper and don't eat until it's a bit time to change the diaper.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

Die-dye diet. That's great, dude.

SPEAKER_12 16:05

It's the it's the D3 diet.

SPEAKER_07 16:07

We call it the die-dye diet, brother. It takes about four months for it to go from D-I-E to just D-I. Yeah. Because you you wanna die for a while.

SPEAKER_12 16:19

Yeah, you look like a Holocaust survivor at the end of it. And you feel like one, honestly, because you'll be gassing yourself up with all the farts. All the diaper farts. Diaperfarts.com. I'm gonna buy that domain as soon as this episode's over.

SPEAKER_08 16:37

It's gonna holocaust ya.

SPEAKER_07 16:42

That didn't really fit, but I just thought of it and wanted to say it.

SPEAKER_12 16:44

Well, I said you look like a holocaust survivor. No, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:47

It fit perfectly fine. It fit the fact that I said Holocaust made it fit, but you gotta buy it.

SPEAKER_12 16:52

Dude, adult diapers are expensive. I worked at Walgreens for like six months. Depends. Oh fuck, I forgot. That was gonna be my joke. At the end of your fucking would you rather? I forgot! Damn it! I was gonna be like, well, I don't know which option I'm gonna pick. Kinda depends. That was yeah. So I got it with the sorry, sorry, bros, that I failed you on that one. Kind of the fucking lowest hanging fruit of all time. Uh but fruit fruit has fiber in it, so I gotta be careful on this diaper diet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh yeah, that's I mean, I don't want to eat poop on purpose, fucking ever, dude. Uh, so that's the option that I'm gonna have to choose. All right. And I'll be honest with you, I had to, while I was thinking of my response to yours, I had to kind of make some uh some stalling happen to make some adjustments in my would you rather? Yeah. Because my would you rather was basically the same as yours. Oh. Almost the same. My original one that has changed now was uh wear a diaper every day for the rest of your life. Oh, damn. That you can only change once a day or ingest the contents of one diaper you found in a public bathroom. Damn. So basically, pretty close. Jake's the same fucking thing. Because we're the same guy. Yep. Uh, but I changed it. So my thought now is, Jake, would you rather fill your bed with used diapers and have to sleep on that bed full of used diapers for a year? Oh. Or that's imaginative.

SPEAKER_06 18:42

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_12 18:44

Or work at an old folks' home for five years as your main job, your only job while you're there for eight hours a day, is to change shitty old people diapers and clean up their poopy butts.

unknown 19:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 19:02

How long is the second one? Five years. Five years of changing old people shit diapers or one year of sleeping on a bed full of used diapers. Used beepy poop poopy poopies. Okay. Honestly, after the one year of me being in diapers, they could just be mine. So all my poopy pee-bee diapers. Yeah. Uh my little uh intermittent fasting rabbit turds.

SPEAKER_07 19:27

Little pellets. That'd be kind of bumpy. It's kind of a bumpy surface to sleep on. It is. It'd be like Princess and the Pee. Except it's poo. And pee.

SPEAKER_08 19:41

Princess and the pee-pee. Yeah. Uh fuck.

SPEAKER_12 19:47

Why is the show so fucking dumb?

unknown 19:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 19:51

Pee pee poo-poo.

SPEAKER_12 19:52

That's literally like all the criticism we got in the beginning when we first started the show was like, it's just pee-pee poo-poo humor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:58

It's like, yeah, well, that's what we Oh yeah, but makes us laugh. We'll get to your we'll get to your comments, by the way. Yeah. There's fewer this week. We'll get to them. Yeah. Toward the end, right before the story. And I got beef with that. Right before the story.

SPEAKER_12 20:12

I got beef. You know what? You know what the problem is? I think a lot of the people that listen to our show are irresponsible. And they don't get around to listening to it until like two weeks after it comes in.

SPEAKER_07 20:22

Still comment still.

SPEAKER_12 20:23

Yeah. Go back and comment. Or just comment on the new one. Comment on the new one. Whatever one you're listening to, we're just gonna repeatedly tell you to comment. Yeah. We're gonna have to go back. I bet you if we go back to the previous ones, there's new comments.

SPEAKER_07 20:38

Oh, there probably is. People are fucking retarded. Oh fuck, there probably is. Well, don't worry about it. My internet might be out. It is.

SPEAKER_11 20:46

Fuck. Would you? I didn't mean to hit that.

SPEAKER_12 20:50

We're still in that. I picked up I picked up my phone and I accidentally hit the button.

SPEAKER_07 20:55

I'm gonna pick, I think I'm gonna pick the sleeping on the diaper. Okay. I don't have enough empathy to deal with old people shit.

SPEAKER_12 21:05

I have none. For five years. I would legitimately be rooting on their downfall. A month? I would pick that. Bill has diarrheaed his pants for the third time this week. Even a year. I hope that's a good one.

SPEAKER_07 21:17

If I'm making the same income, I would go, I would go a year. But to match the other one, and I'd be like, uh, that one's better. I like that better. But five years?

unknown 21:30

Nah, dude. Nah.

SPEAKER_12 21:31

That's a long fucking time. Nah, dude. I'd kill myself before the end of that. I was wrong. There's no new comments on the older episodes. She. She. Comment on the new one. Maybe on this one. Maybe I was incorrect to judge our listeners. Perhaps they're diligent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 21:46

Diehards. Sorry for guessing if you like us, that you might not have all your screws fully tightened.

SPEAKER_12 21:54

I'm just I'm going off of real life experience and somebody that we know in real life that listens to the show. Yeah, yeah. Just said yesterday that he just now listened to the one from two weeks ago. I've had that too, yeah. I'm just going, yeah. You know, I'm an inconsistent listener to things. No. But anyway. Same. Okay. Sleep on a pile of diapers. Why don't you? Yeah. Good luck fucking on that. Good luck getting a girl to goop her little fucking snizatch. Gooping her gash. Good luck gooping a gash on a pile of fucking huggies.

SPEAKER_07 22:30

All of that would be happening on the couch, you know? It happens on the couch.

SPEAKER_12 22:35

No, no sex. As is. Uh no sex outside of diaper bed. Oh. Did you say that already? No, but I'm saying it now.

SPEAKER_07 22:42

I'm saying it now, loopholer. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_08 22:46

You don't just have to fuck on a bed. You can fuck on a couch.

SPEAKER_12 22:49

Not in this world. Fuck in the shower. Not in this world. In the in your would you rather? I don't have to wear a diaper, asshole. We're playing with magic. We're in a world of of uh of whimsy.

SPEAKER_07 23:03

Alright, alright. I I get it, but I'm just like I get it. Yeah, but I'm opposed. Yeah. I kind of like fucking on the couch. I really don't want that to be taken away from me.

SPEAKER_12 23:15

I probably have asked you this before, but I'm gonna ask you again. Uh-huh. Where would you say is the most uh like out there, outlandish, and unconventional place you've ever fucked? Is it the fucking man? Was it uh when you fucked that girl in the like balcony booth thing at the school? Yes.

SPEAKER_07 23:34

Probably I mean that's the most that's the wildest spot for sure.

SPEAKER_12 23:38

Yeah. I don't know. I've fucked a I've fucked in a lot of unconventional places, and I don't know that I have the barometer of a normal human being to say which one was the weirdest. Because I fucked a girl in an RV at a party. That one was technically rape. Against me, by the way. Against me.

SPEAKER_07 23:57

Not yeah, you're the victim.

SPEAKER_12 23:59

I was the victim, not the perpetrator. Yeah, yeah. Officer. The old switcheroo story to those who are diehards from five years ago when I originally told that story. Um, I fucked girls in the woods. Yeah, I fucked in cars a bunch. Oh, a bunch. I fucked a girl in a parking lot of a movie theater. I've before the movie, which is crazy.

SPEAKER_07 24:22

I fucked in the parking lot after one of our shows.

SPEAKER_12 24:25

Oh, yeah? One time. Yeah. Our show as in the band that we're in right now? No, no. Because we've only done one show.

SPEAKER_07 24:32

I would have known exactly when that place, though.

SPEAKER_12 24:35

But uh just Oh, when we were in uh DR? The first band, yeah. Nice, dude. Hell yeah. Um that was that was during a fart party. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm thinking uh I I I got two bands mixed up. Hold on.

SPEAKER_07 24:50

No, yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_08 24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 24:51

Yeah, because the fart party it was when you were in the other.

SPEAKER_08 24:54

I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure it was our show. I'm like 99% sure it was our show.

SPEAKER_12 24:58

Yeah. When uh yeah, we played a show at that venue when we were in DR together.

SPEAKER_07 25:03

Wait. Nope, it wasn't. I lied. It was a Halloween show. There's another man. Sorry. It was it was around that same time. Gotcha. Fair enough. It was it was at the time we were in DR, and we played a show at that place. Anyway, let's get out of this because it's it's a not too deep. Doesn't take us anywhere. Uh but yeah, I I I have fucked in a car many different places beside uh a hangar with planes at in it. Oh, a hangar. A hangar, yeah. A hangar. Hangar, yeah. Hangar, hangar. Anyway, uh outside of one of those, like a bunch of times when I was a teenager. Uh uh mostly that's the weird like I guess floors, random, you know, places sometimes. Oh yeah. But never like in a store or in a like public place like that.

SPEAKER_12 25:54

I used to fuck this outside. I used to fuck this chick that um sometimes so let me qualify this, right? There is a difference between a girl squirting, right? Like quote unquote squirting and a girl who just pisses herself when she's coming. There is a difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to fuck this girl that would piss herself sometimes when she was coming. And uh we were her mom lived in a trailer and we were staying at like we were staying the night at her mom's trailer. Yeah. And I fucked her on the floor of her bedroom, her old bedroom, at her mom's trailer because the bed creaked too much. Uh so I fucked her on the floor and she pissed all over the floor. Like a doe. Like a bad dog. Nice. Yeah, that was Caveman Girl. Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Okay, cool, cool.

SPEAKER_12 26:45

God, there's something about all the chicks that I dump that fucking reach out to me. And dump in.

SPEAKER_07 26:50

That's right. Uh that's right. They yeah, a lot of times it's bad news when they reach out to me.

SPEAKER_12 26:58

Every single fucking chick I've ever fucked has reached out to me after we've stopped fucking. That's funny. Every one of them. Except for one. Except for one. The one that I wish would.

SPEAKER_08 27:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 27:12

That we so we could fuck again. The one, the single fucking chick, the one female out of the like 30 or 40 chicks that I fucked, the one that I wish would reach out to me is the only fucking one that I can think of that hasn't. Yeah. That's how it be sometimes, dude. Well, life is gay then. Life is a big old fucking uh drag queen trivia night.

SPEAKER_08 27:42

Uh what next, man?

SPEAKER_12 27:45

What next?

SPEAKER_08 27:46

We don't we don't have fuck you piece of shit.

SPEAKER_12 27:48

We don't have fuck you piece of shit this week. We said that was wasn't gonna be every week. I burned it on the$10 show. If you want to hear my fuck you piece of shit for this week, pants money. Patreon.com slash format. Um next would be this one.

SPEAKER_08 28:02

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_12 28:04

If it'll put in here's Tyler's five It's a little too quiet. I I'm always fucking with the volume. Yep, the value. Let's see if this one, if if this uh is better. Ladies and gentlemen, here's Tyler's top ten list. That's okay. Yeah. I had a top five list for you guys this week. And uh I think it's a fun one. Let's get it. It's you know, sometimes I just have stuff on the mind. Uh-huh. And with the diaper thing, right? Oh. This is my top five repulsive fetishes. Excluding Scat. That's obviously number one. Yeah. Poop is the gross. Yeah. It's gonna win every time. We're gonna exclude that one from the list, honorary number one. So starting at the actual number five, excluding the scat, adult baby diaper lover.

SPEAKER_05 29:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 29:00

As previously mentioned. Grown adult human beings that like to wear diapers and act like babies is fucking weird. Yeah. Or as I refer to them males. Right, male diapers. Yeah, because there's I guarantee you, out of the gazillion people who've ever existed, less than five of them were women who like to poop in diapers. Grown adult women. Yeah, yeah. Because uh, that's just not that's not a thing that happens to girls. Right. Uh it's I don't know, it's repulsive in a way that's like not just disgusting in the sense that they're covered, covering themselves in shit. It's also like ew. Yeah, no, yeah, baby. What the hell?

SPEAKER_07 29:46

Yeah you want to be a baby? It's dark. Yeah. It's like dark in a like your brain didn't work from jump kind of a way.

SPEAKER_12 29:55

It's it's not quite as dark as one of the ones that's kind of similar that comes up later. Okay. But uh, it is dark. Yeah. Two of the ones that come up later. Oh. Yeah. Uh number four, uh-huh. This is less icky and more just like weird.

SPEAKER_08 30:11

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 30:12

Cuck. Ah, yeah. Wanting to watch your chick get fucked by another dude is gross to me on a on a level that is uh it's like uh fundamental to the male ideology. Yeah. It's like something is broken about you evolutionarily. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Like the dude that dumped inside your mom was broke. Like his cum was broken. Yeah. And it dumped out a fucking loser that has no survival instinct. Yeah, that's wild. You know, it's something something fucked up happened during uh your chromosomal formation. Yeah. It's not even nature. It's nerd, it's not even nurture, it's nature. Number three. This one's a little personal to me. Okay. Okay. Now that now that I thought about it, I shouldn't have said that because it makes me sound bad. But I'll I'll qualify again. Her not me, rape fantasy. I dated a chick that had rape fantasies and would uh I don't know if criticism is the right word, but she would often like wax poetic on the fact that she essentially wanted me to like put on a ski mask and like tie her up and be very forceful. And uh I've talked about it before, I think we've both mentioned it before, but like part of like the thing that's super hot about having sex with a chick is when she's super into it, yeah, and like reciprocating the joy, right?

SPEAKER_07 32:05

Smiling even, right? Exactly. A smile in the middle of fucking, a giggle in the middle of fucking fantastic. Just like a cute little giggle.

SPEAKER_12 32:15

Yeah, I don't know that I can keep my cock hard with a fucking like uh screech or like a no, please stop.

SPEAKER_07 32:21

Right, no, yeah, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_12 32:23

It's uh ow is a fucking problem. I back out immediately. Me too. I'm done at that point. Yep. And there's uh there's a very short list of things that I'm done. You know, I can push through some stenches, I can push through some weird noises, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 32:41

But like anything that's remotely negative about what I'm doing, yeah, is like, dude, stop. Oh my god, bro, that is a problem.

SPEAKER_12 32:54

I've reversed time at that point, man. Yeah, dude. I've discovered a singularity and have gone back in time to before I had sex with you. Yeah. When you say stop, stop, I'm back at the restaurant. Like, whoa. I don't know what you're doing naked in bed by yourself, because I'm back at fucking Biajis eating fucking Alfredo. I don't know what you mean. Stop. I never got I never arrived at your abode, bitch. There was never a go. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's all red lights, baby girl. I'm slurping spaghetti. I don't know what you're doing at your house by yourself where I never was.

SPEAKER_07 33:36

I know, I know your hair blew in in the wind that maybe you thought I created when I left really quickly. But I've never been there.

SPEAKER_12 33:44

I'm not the flash in bed, but I'm the flash the fuck out of bed.

SPEAKER_07 33:49

Dude, that would be like that's like the moment where uh when you get you're hot as fuck and you get pulled over and everything goes. It's like that kind of moment where it's like, oh, everything's changed.

SPEAKER_12 34:01

Yeah, like in movies when you're when the the main character is like in a hallway and he like he suddenly has a realization and the hallway gets like 700,000 miles longer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's me in that moment. It's that totally.

SPEAKER_07 34:14

Oh, well, okay. My dick isn't gonna get hard for 76 hours.

SPEAKER_12 34:19

Yeah, oh yeah. Like I'm also, by the way, never ever talking to you again. You never existed, sweetheart. You may as well be a black hole. The fuck? Yeah, call you Jesus Christ, because you ain't fucking real to me, babe. Uh yeah. Rape fantasy, not for me. Never never indulge that in three years. Yeah. Not not even remotely. Number two. Another the exact same thing, but different.

SPEAKER_08 35:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 35:03

And this is like massive ick territory. Like in a way that is so antithetical to who I am as a human being, and also from a from a normal civilization standpoint, so repulsive. Daddy Dom little girl. D D L G. If you're pretending in bed to be a fucking toddler, kill yourself. The world doesn't need any contribution from you. At all.

SPEAKER_05 35:57

God damn.

SPEAKER_12 35:58

You are unredeemable. There's not enough therapy. Fucking Frederick not Frederick Nietzsche, he's a philosopher. Freud!

SPEAKER_08 36:11

What was his first name? Sigmund.

SPEAKER_12 36:14

Sigmund Freud himself couldn't fix a third of the problems you've got going on in your brain. And I'm sorry that whoever did that to you did that to you, but you're basically broken forever and ever. And you should never talk to other people. You should uh perhaps take 700,000 milligrams of peyote and disappear into the desert to shrivel up like a prune. Because that's fucking gross. That's wild, yeah. And the people that uh like the the males that propagate that and and encourage it, I hope that uh you just immediately get hit by an asteroid and die.

SPEAKER_07 36:56

That's a problem, dude.

SPEAKER_12 36:57

There's something really there's something way worse wrong about you.

SPEAKER_07 37:01

I feel like if you're like that, you probably like how can you like tits? You're a fucking sneeze hiccup and a fart away from being a pedophile. Yeah, dude. I mean, how so like if you're like that, if you have any inclination like that, you you can't you don't get to enjoy tits, dude.

SPEAKER_12 37:20

No. I all I I would say I actively oppose to your uh enjoyment of such.

SPEAKER_07 37:28

That's what I'm saying. I'm saying, like, you don't get tits no more, dude. You're not you're not committed yourself uh to the opposite, to the to the the before times. So fuck off if if you think you're gonna inch in on the tit game, dude. You're not yeah fuck you. And that is that part of the antithetical to you thing you were talking about. Oh, I love boobies. Because that's how it is that's how it is to me.

SPEAKER_12 37:53

I'm a tit guy. I am I've been a tit guy my whole life. I've always uh preferred tits to anything. I've I've made love to tits.

SPEAKER_07 38:03

I have too, but I'm saying I'm thinking like you gotta leave a lot of room for a nice butt though.

SPEAKER_12 38:11

You know what I mean? Uh for me it's like a 70-30 kind of thing.

SPEAKER_07 38:14

I'd probably go like 6535 or okay.

SPEAKER_12 38:18

Just a cunt hair under me.

SPEAKER_08 38:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 38:20

Just like a little more butt.

SPEAKER_12 38:22

Just a wispy little butt hair.

SPEAKER_07 38:24

Because you know, you see, you know, since I've been a little boy, you see like fucking, you know, a chick turn the right way.

SPEAKER_12 38:31

You know, I we used to be uh fairly diametrically opposed in the tit world, you know, because like we're both tit guys, as we've established, but you know, you're more of not small, but like you're more of a I've worked your way some for sure over the last couple of years. Well classically, you've always been a moderately sized but perky set. Yes. And I've always been, I would like to be able to tie them around my head in a knot and drown in tit flap. We've both worked our way towards the middle, you know? Yeah, because the last girl I was dating, who by the way, like the best body on any chick I've ever fucked. Like, hands down, like uh objectively, perfect body. Perfect from top to bottom, from the bottom of her chin all the way down to her toes, perfect body. And I think that it helped me realize that I'm not just a big tit guy, I'm a I'm a titty enjoyer fucking period. Because her tits were legitimately picture perfect from like uh like an aesthetic standpoint, size, perk, everything. Like what any human being that it likes tits would say are perfect tits. And that's never been my thing because I've always been like, I want big fucking floppin' ass juggers, dude. I want to get fucking beat over the face with them. I want I like huge tits. I like tits that most people don't like because they're too big. But I think it's just because I like tits. And uh I've expanded my horizon, my tit horizon.

SPEAKER_07 40:28

Nice.

SPEAKER_12 40:28

My event I think I've got tit horizon.

SPEAKER_07 40:31

I think we pretty much met in the middle on this. I think so. I think we've met in the middle at like a high C low D, would you would you say is ideal? Yes.

SPEAKER_12 40:40

That's where I'm at. Yeah, I've I've been de-radicalized. Yeah, and I've been more radicalized. Yeah, you've uh you've expanded your horizons as well. Yeah. Event Tit Horizon. It's uh it's a pretty good porno name for people fucking in space.

SPEAKER_08 41:00

Hooter Rizen, is that something? Maybe.

SPEAKER_12 41:03

But uh yeah, I just I'm a tit enjoyer. I don't know what else to say about that. I'm very I'm very flatulent today. I've been farting a lot. We do have a comment. Oh yeah. This is a good time for a comment. Wait. Before number one almost. Oh yeah, before number one. Okay, okay. Really put people in suspense on what I find fucking disgusting.

SPEAKER_07 41:25

Yeah, hell yeah. All right. And this, I mean, this will lead into the next segment, kinda, but it's fine. We can we can do it now. Uh goddamn. Fuck. Okay, there we go.

SPEAKER_09 41:36

I can't navigate Spotify. Yeah, I'm having a$12.99 now. You better figure it out.

SPEAKER_07 41:40

Well, the internet's uh fucking. Oh, that's true, yeah. Bad sell reception over here, too. So Arden J says five days ago. So uh two days after, well, no, one one day after the episode came out. Uh depending on how the time works on here, I don't fucking know. Uh could be five days and 23 hours, you know. Uh Black Voice takes chef's art pieces from one Michelin star to three.

SPEAKER_12 42:05

That's a very good comment. That's a well thought out and intelligent comment.

SPEAKER_07 42:12

I I'm gonna read them in black voice from now on. Um, yeah. When you read Spotify comments, you gotta be like Black Voice. Oh no. I was I was talking about the stories, but yeah. Uh Black Voice.

SPEAKER_13 42:25

There you're on the spot.

SPEAKER_07 42:27

Yeah. Black Voice take chef's art pieces from one Michelin star to three. Uh and then there, there I remember they're uh below, they replied to their own comment and they said, like the concept. Something to that effect. Or like the uh uh the new the new format. They said format. I'm retarded. Uh yeah. That's the comment we have this week. And uh evidently I'm not gonna be able to navigate to the fucking story. Navigate because the uh so you might have to do yours first. I'll do my story first if you have it saved onto your phone.

SPEAKER_12 43:04

I fucking do. I I do I do I do who yeah, because I found out that whenever I try to save fucking things on Reddit, sometimes they get deleted. Oh or the person who m posted the story gets fucking banned and I can no longer see this shit. But we are moving into a new segment. Hey Spoo. Oh yeah. You tricked me. I did you tricked me, you son of a bitch. Sorry. Hey guys, it's all my fault. My number one on my top five of repulsive fetishes, excluding Scat. Uh-huh. Feet. Uh yeah. Dude. That's a weird one. I can't I can't explain why. Somehow, above all the other ones I just mentioned that are fucking next level icky wiki. The dudes that are into feet somehow just like something about it is so perverse it's not even that they're into feet, it's that the dudes that are into feet are fucking disgusting. They're fucking weird, man. They're like giant pervo fucking they make it their whole personality and like they get to the point where they're like willing to post on social media and stuff about it. Like they're more dedicated to their craft than most. And I feel like there's also more of them than there are of the previous ones that I mentioned. Um they're they're pervasive. Um I can't drop my mic. It's attached to an arm. I just I can't drop it. But I would have dropped my mic.

SPEAKER_07 44:55

It's pretty good, dude. I enjoyed it, but it was such a such a heady joke that you made.

SPEAKER_12 45:02

Listen, bitch. We've already established that heady means that you're trying to be smart, not actually smart. I'm only stroking myself because I thought of it as I was talking. That wasn't pre-written at all. That's great. Anyway, off the cuff. Next segment. Let me play the thing again.

SPEAKER_07 45:22

You also said it right when I'm reading.

SPEAKER_12 45:33

So I actually I have two to choose from. I already know what you're doing. I'm not gonna hit stop because I've already committed to talking over it. Uh I have two to choose from. One, I would say, like if we're if we just, you know, look at our stories of short, medium, long, I have one that I would say is on the long side of long. Oh. It's fairly long. Okay. And then I've got one that's right in the middle of short. It's not super duper short, but it's I think it's appropriate appropriately lengthed. I d I know which one you're doing. I don't know how long it is, though.

SPEAKER_07 46:17

Uh not super long. I mean pretty much.

SPEAKER_12 46:21

It's about the same length as it's about the same length as my short one.

SPEAKER_08 46:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 46:25

So, you know, we're at 40 some odd minutes. I'm gonna let you choose blindly. Do you want the long one or the short one?

SPEAKER_07 46:33

Let's do the short one. Okay. The long one probably goes on an all spur.

SPEAKER_12 46:38

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe next week we'll do All Spurgs. Yeah. And I'll do my long one. My long one. I don't think that they get to choose.

SPEAKER_07 46:47

Comment if that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_12 46:48

If you eat it. We can comment it. We will, you know, disregard.

SPEAKER_07 46:55

We're gonna ignore it.

SPEAKER_12 46:56

Because we're gonna do whatever the fuck we want, or else it won't be good. Right. Uh it's never good to tell people what they should do when it, you know, yeah. Art is a is a strong word, but yeah. We'll do the thing. Trust us. How about that? Put a little faith in your fucking guys, okay? Tell us how much you like it. You've been here long enough. Put a little faith in us that will make you fucking laugh, you piece of shit. I gotta I'll do my short one. Okay. I gotta get the fucking sounds going though, because I can't do stories without sound. This one airs on the side of cringe. If you guys like the more cringe ones that I do, you're gonna really fucking love this one. Um let's. That was too much. I can never if I could figure out volume, yeah, I would I would feel a lot better about myself. Alright. The title of my spooky story this week is Hide and Seek. Let me get a little sip of my beverage here before I get into it. Hide and seek. Here we go. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. The numbers that started it all. One spring afternoon at my old school where I no longer go. Because why teach when there are no more students? In parentheses, we decided to let the odd kid play. Nobody spoke to him. Not once. Until we did. We heard the rumors. But why had we but why but we had just watched a video about acceptance. Why the fuck did we listen? When it was his turn to seek, he mumbled to himself for a moment. I took a closer look at the boy. He was unusually tall for his age. Yet other than that, nothing was strange about him. Except for the fact Okay. Okay. I got a lot of problems with the way that was worded, but okay. Except for the fact he was wearing a microphone pinned to his shirt. Come on! Count already, dip fuck! That was my best friend Ty. Now, okay, so just to talk about grammar for a second. All those times I stopped was periods. There's too many periods. My best friend Ty, it's all lowercase, so it looks like it says, That was my best friend, thank you. And I had to fight myself to not say, That was my best friend, thank you. It's like he texted TY, you know? Yeah. Anyway, he didn't look like much, but he was tough as nails. Nobody ever dared to touch the pasta linguini that he brought every day.

unknown 50:08

What the fuck are you talking about?

SPEAKER_13 50:12

Nobody ever dared to touch the pasta linguini that he brought every day? No matter how tempting it was? That's the weirdest fucking sentence I've ever read out loud. What the fuck are you talking about? That's insane. What the what? That is fucking silly. Why would you Nobody ever dare to touch the pasta linguini? That's the way I'm reading the rest of the story.

SPEAKER_07 50:36

The room temperature pasta linguini after a minute, dude.

SPEAKER_11 50:40

He left a big old bowl of pasta linguine on the table and nobody ever telled to touch it.

SPEAKER_12 50:46

Fucking weird. Okay. Uh no mat no matter how tempting it was, it smelled like heaven. And he wets people take one bite for five dollars. But one per month. Once a kid had some, they bought more the second they could. They just couldn't stop. Ty, he can he can coot whatever he wants to. Rachel shouted, I don't know what that means. I'm so con he can I think it meant count. But what do you mean by that? He can count whenever he wants to. That's what she meant. Wow. Ty, he can count whenever he wants to, Rachel shouted. Oh piss off, Ty replied. Ten, nine, oh shit! We better move, I say to Ty. We go find the best hiding spot here. The spot was better than Ty's pasta. What the fuck, dude? That good. Ready or not, here he comes, said the odd one. Mrs. Pritchard said to him, It's here I come, dipstick.

SPEAKER_07 52:08

The fucking teacher said that? I guess so. I didn't know there was a teacher in this scenario yet. Do we know it?

SPEAKER_12 52:15

said the odd one. Then he just left.

SPEAKER_11 52:24

Me and Ty knew it was a ruse, but the jock, Dylan, and his gang came out.

SPEAKER_12 52:32

Hey, fucker! You don't leave You seek, you absolute dumbat He never got to finish his sentence, for a large man grabbed his head. Dylan's gang rushed the man, and one kid, Aaron, landed a hit on his arm that resulted in a pop and the man's shoulder giving out. The man popped it back in place and grabbed Aaron by the neck. He violently twisted Aaron's neck until a loud crunch was heard. Smiling, the man threw Aaron's lifeless body to the floor. The once muscular and menacing boy was now a ragdoll. Oh shit, I whispered. Come here, Ty. Oh oh okay. We ran. We smack we ran smack into Rachel. Oh I covered her mouth. Shh! There's a goddamn killer out there. We need to run leave, I say to her. Bullshit, she replies. Oh my fucking god, Jake.

SPEAKER_11 53:45

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_12 53:49

No bulls have shitted here, man. Ty tells her. We hear three bangs and a thud. The man had a gun. We need to go! Now I tell the two of them. We we were deep in the woods. Dylan! You're alive? Rachel shouted. Yet another bang and Dylan had a hole in his stomach. It was spurting blood everywhere. Oh shitballs, Ty yelled. The man knocked Rachel to the ground and pulled the trigger. Click.

SPEAKER_13 54:34

He tossed the gun full force into Rachel's head, launching the firearm inside it. He just yeeted the fucking clock at her forehead and it stunned. It stuck like a dart in the dartboard. That's fucking awesome.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

Me and Tyran like we were trying to get the last bite of the Queen trying to get the last bite of the bust.

SPEAKER_05 55:23

That was the end.

SPEAKER_01 55:29

I'm stunlocked at the fucking pasta. Oh my god. That's so crazy. Going back to the fucking pasta just returning.

SPEAKER_13 55:42

The guy writing this story fucking loves linguini, dude.

SPEAKER_07 55:47

Dude, there's gotta be it's gotta end with a pasta ref, dude. I'm gonna be fucking disappointed if not.

SPEAKER_12 55:54

I fucking hope so. I'm literally crying. That's time fucking stupid. Oh, god damn it. Me and Tyran like we were trying to get the last bite of that pasta. We found a good place to hide.

SPEAKER_13 56:15

According to the rules. You're still worried about the rules when there's a man murdering people with a fucking gun. Like a boomerang.

SPEAKER_11 56:26

We have to follow the rules, or else we won't get any more linguini.

SPEAKER_12 56:32

Uh according to the rules, we only had one minute left to survive. Dear God. Okay, just a little longer. The man grabbed Ty by the ankles, hanging him upside down. I kicked the guy in the ankle, snapping it. He yelled and grabbed Ty's neck and then slammed him into a tree. No! It felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. I'm pretty sure Ty's world was turned upside down while he was dangling from his ankle. I couldn't move! The man picked up and began The man picked me up and began to squeeze. I didn't care. I felt nothing. Then an alarm went off. Time was up. The man let go, leaving me there. He picked up Ty's corpse and began eating him. I projectile vomited all over the man. He turned to me and said, You're lucky time ran out. At least fucking swallow before you talk.

SPEAKER_13 57:40

This is so bad. What the fuck? This is so fucking stupid. At least at least fucking swallow before you talk.

SPEAKER_11 57:52

And then the guy said to him, You're going places, kid.

SPEAKER_14 57:57

What the fuck does that okay?

SPEAKER_11 58:02

You goin' places, kid. I guess he's it says you goin' places kid. Maybe he's a black guy.

SPEAKER_05 58:07

Yeah, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_11 58:08

You goin' places, kid.

SPEAKER_12 58:11

We walk we walked back into the woods. The second he was gone, I broke down. Everyone I knew was dead. Even my favorite teacher dead. I walked back to the playground crying as I walked. I fell to my knees. I laid down on the ground. So, you one hide and seek, how do you feel? The odd boy walked over to me. You fucker I frabbed him by the throat and squeezed It's there's no you in any of his cue sentences, but I guess sed. I grabbed him by I frabbed him by the throat and skezed. I relished in the life draining from his eyes. He smiled at me. Heh G good m match He died right there. I laughed loudly as authority showed up. I stared at them and began to cry again. Okay, dude. My friends, they're all dead. Rachel, Ty, Dylan, all thanks to this FUCKER I said, kicking the odd boy's corpse as hard as I could. The whole thing was covered up. Not even my family knows. I've only told Carol.

SPEAKER_07 59:38

Like What am I supposed to know who Carol is?

SPEAKER_12 59:42

It's blindingly retarded. The story that I just read. Who who's Carol?

SPEAKER_13 59:49

I don't know! And it was it was lowercase Carol, so maybe it's a Christmas Carol. I don't fucking know, dude. Who the hell is Carol?

SPEAKER_12 1:00:01

Who the f what the fuck? That was the end of the story, dude. He fucking he killed the kid, he kicked him, the cops showed up. Okay, so the cop showed up and he said to the cops, my friends, they're all dead. Rachel, Ty, Dylan, all thanks to this fucker. I said, kicking the odd boy's corpse as hard as I could, okay? The last fucking two, three sentences of the whole story, the whole thing was covered up. Not even my family knows. I've only told Carol. That is undoubtedly the worst ending to a story I've ever fucking read.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:38

Yeah, but I mean it's like he got bored.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:44

Like he got bored and he was like so that anyway, they I got away with it, and uh now it's fine and cool. I told Carol, who's that? Don't care, I don't know. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_07 1:01:02

I don't even know.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:04

If it wasn't for the linguini, yeah, right. The story would have just pissed me off more than anything.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:10

Yeah, at least it had the linguine in it, dude. Dude. They needed it.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:15

He ran as if we were going to get the last bite of that pasta.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:19

That pasta needs more sauce.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:21

Jesus Christ, what a fucking what a shit show. All right. I'm glad you picked the short one because that made me laugh really fucking.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:29

Yeah, it had some moments for sure. Uh the last last week's fucking first half of the story, I don't really remember what the fuck happened.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:39

So there was uh there was a black guy, and he worked as a mall security guard, and uh that was like that was stories ago, wasn't it? No, because part part the end of part one was, and then I found an elevator.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:54

I don't think so. I think you're thinking of and there's tunnels underneath the mall.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:59

Yeah, you found an elevator and the elevator door.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:03

No, this guy has like my uh I moved into the the building and the elevator has set or no, I I went to the freight elevator or the the service elevator, and it's got seven bucks.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:15

I live in a building, there's only five floors. All the buildings in this town have five floors. Why? Because the city said so. Yeah. And then I there then we found the employee elevator. Yeah. There were seven in then the tunnels, right. Well, yeah. And then I went down the elevator and there were fucking tunnels under this building.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:37

I don't think I think you're you're combining two stories there, but it's easy to do with his story. Because they're all so good. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:44

Get them mixed up.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:47

Right. So that can you go back to the yeah, the I want to hear just like the last like paragraph of uh part one.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:54

Yeah, let's do that. Uh while I while I was going down, I kept staring at the buttons. Why? Before I could think more, the doors opened and I quickly ran out so I wouldn't get spotted. Okay. And then they ask, what should I do? I'm at work right now writing this on my break. Uh let's make sure.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:15

How did you run out of the elevator and then you like magically appeared at work to talk about it? You know what I mean? Like, you gotta finish the story. Anyway. Yeah, yeah. Let's fucking get into it, dude. I'm excited. Local chef cooking up another fucking batch of that linguini for us.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:34

Hell yeah. Yeah, I'd say seven or eight.

unknown 1:03:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:39

It landed on seven. Hell yeah. Magically.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:41

Because once the banjo comes in, it gets a little it's a little louder. Alright. I want to thank people who commented. It's nice to see that people care about my story. Alright, I will get into what I've been doing these past few days. The same day I found the buttons, when I got to my job, my boss acted weird. Remember the last call I had with my boss? He called me champ. He never calls me that. Nor the other staff. When I went through the door, I thought I saw him peeking through his window. But then I looked toward the window and it was empty. Oh, sorry, I read that a little wrong, but it's fine. I told one of my friends about this. The boss is acting like that. Oh, I guess he might not be black too. Like that. The boss is acting like that? He said, putting his legs into his body.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:33

Oh, the co-worker's a white fella.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:35

I leaned against a wall after I saw our boss wasn't spying on us. Yeah. Plus he was nice, like soft and all. My friend looked at me, his eyes widened, not believing my words. Our boss was kind to you? Soft and all? You fucking joking? I grabbed Mark's tea and drank from it. Damn, he's asserting dominance. Damn, he's like, that's my tea now, dog. That's my tea, Jack. My name's Mark. Uh uh. I grabbed Mark's tea and drank from it. Yeah, something is weird. I said, putting down the mug. Mark grabbed it and moved it away from me, looking annoyed. My tea? Put your fucking big meaty lips on my teacup. What if he finally got laid? Mark said, tapping his finger on the desk. Maybe. I said, looking at Mark. You don't need to say I said every time, brother. I said, looking at Mark, wondering what I should do next. I think you're overthinking it. He took a sip from his mug. And maybe you're seeing shit with that window. Maybe you saw your own reflection. I know damn well it wasn't my reflection.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:00

I think he's Jewish.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:04

Mr. Bernstein ain't no black man. I could tell that hook ass nose from anywhere.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:12

That's how he got the blinds open. He's with his big ass nose. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:16

Lifting blinds with a big old Jew nose is a very funny vision.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:20

I got a wide nose. He got a long nose. There's a difference.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:25

Um we were both slaves in Egypt. He thinks I don't know what difference between a buffalo and a gazelle motherfucker.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:34

Okay. I know damn well it wasn't my reflection. I saw where I saw where eyes peeking. All I saw were eyes peeking. Now that I think of it, they looked hungry. Before I could think, I felt a hand on my shoulder. And then I heard. Yes. And then pink lights came all over me and shit. Uh no. That's that's just going along with the hungry ass thing. Yeah. Uh and disco balls and shit. Uh alright, here we go. Before I could think, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It spun me around to face whoever was doing so. It was I think I meant whomever. Take a fucking wild guess at who it was, brother. Okay, here we go. It was my boss. Face Booker T. Yeah, dude. That's what I'm picturing with fucking sunglasses on all the time. Yeah. Shirtless, fucking ripped. Yeah, dude. Uh, with flames on his fucking pants.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:33

And then Mark said, Why are you showing up to work in a loincloth? Not a loincloth, goddammit. The fucking like the the trunks. Yeah, the little things they wear.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:43

Yeah, trunks, I think. Uh and a loincloth. It's because I'm African. Sorry. I got a spear for your ass. Okay, yeah. Call me Goldberg, motherfucker. Call me Blackbird, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:00

Blackbird. Why didn't they have that, dude? That would have been amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:08

That would have been awesome.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:09

Just throw a bald black eye. He shaves his head. He's like, I'm Blackbird now, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:15

I want the title.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:18

I don't use I don't do the spear. I chuck him.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:28

I'll jackhammer your mother.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:31

Alright. Ugh. Take a wild guess at who it was. He doesn't say that, but that he should say that. It spun me around to face whoever was doing so. It was my boss. He looked at me, the same eyes as the ones I saw in that window. Hungry. He opened his mouth and spoke. I don't know what voice to do, man. Uh hey Henry. I've seen you I've seen you've been standing here for a bit. I've been watching you. How about you get back to work?

SPEAKER_10 1:09:04

Yeah, you gotta do. Hey Henry. I've seen you been standing here for a while.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:11

How about you get back to work?

SPEAKER_07 1:09:13

I was embarrassed. Yeah, sure. I was I was embarrassed. I looked above my boss and checked the clock. It was past my breath. I looked back at my boss. He smiled. He never smiles. I opened my mouth to say something, but he patted my shoulder and walked off. I stood there, mouth wide open, looking like an idiot.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:40

I am the knight.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:42

Looking like an idiot. He flapped his cape as he walked off.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:56

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:58

Oh fuck. Justice will be served.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:02

Yeah. Alright. Uh looking like an idiot. I heard a giggle coming from my right. I looked at Mark. He was masking his laughter with his hands. Fuck you, I said while I walked off. That's the weird stuff that happened at work. While I was working, I didn't see my boss spying or anything. And before I continue, while I was at work, my phone just broke. I don't know how, but it did. So I'm writing this on my computer. Sick, dude. Now let's talk about the elevators. Yeah, please, for the love of God. When I got to my apartment building, I noticed that the elevators were fixed. They fixed them. You said that, dog. No way! Last time the elevators were broken. What a twist! Last time the elevators were broken, it took them a week to fix one. And now they fix both? In only eight hours? Both of y'all? I think they know that I used the staff elevator. Now I actually have a free day. I bought a new phone that will arrive on Friday. So I can d I shouldn't have said Friday. On Friday, so I can take photos of the floors. But for now, we have to wait. Hey, I wanted to end the post at the at the last paragraph, but something weird happened. When I finished the last paragraph, I got a call from my boss. I picked it up, of course, and there was silence for a good three seconds before he finally spoke.

unknown 1:11:31

Hey.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:40

He sounded drunk, but not drunk at the same time. I won't lie, I didn't know what to think. So I said, I'll think about it. Okay. After a little bit, he spoke again. Yeah. Sure. Call me back. I mean the dinner will be tomorrow. Just me and you. Bye. Then he hung up. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:08

I wonder if his hungry eyes have anything to do with that.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:17

Then he hung up. Okay, that's the first weird thing. The second thing No, it's not. That just happened, you said. The second weird The second thing is when I was getting ready to go to a shop. I le f when did this happen? This happened chronologically before the first thing. I left my home and went toward the elevators. I noticed they were packed with people. I looked over at the staff elevator. Maybe I could see if the buttons were really there. So I went over and got inside. When I turned around, a staff member was standing at the elevator doors, making me jump a little. He spoke.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:59

This is the whites only elevator.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:06

Didn't you see the sign, Darkie? His voice sounded angry but soft at the same time. Like he wanted to beat me to death, but knew he couldn't.

SPEAKER_13 1:13:22

He sized me up and he knew I'm the I'm the baddest mother.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:26

Like uh, like you're not allowed in here. Something like that, maybe? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:32

Well, I'm still picturing Booker T, so obviously he's not gonna beat you up.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:36

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:36

He looked at me like I was the baddest mother.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:39

I I'm sorry. The elevators was packed with people. It says were, but I think was makes sense there for what I'm doing. I said, stuttering, trying to think of what to say. Get out.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:51

And if the elevators are packed, use the stairs.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:55

I don't know why I made him a big thing. Take the stairs. He said get out. I mean that sounds redinic. Get out. Uh we don't like your kind in this elevator.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:05

Get out. And if the elevators are packed, use the stairs, you black piece of shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:13

He said Take the hunk take the monkey stairs, boy. Climb the jungle gym for all I care. Get the fuck away from our elevator.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:26

My pure elevator. You see the mirrors in here? I want it. I wanna only see white faces in them.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:35

With hungry eyes.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:39

Alright. Um get out. Oh, I said that twice. He said, I just nodded and left. But before I did, I took a glance at the buttons. There it was. Floor seven. When I went toward the stairs, I felt his eyes on the back of my head. I hate stairs. You're going down, bro. It's not a big deal. Call your black ass up, dude. Or down, whatever. That's all the things that happened. I want to know if I should go to the dinner with my boss. And should I tell my friend about what the fuck is going on? Anyway, thank you for reading this. There's gotta be a part three. No, there's not. There's gonna be. Yeah. I mean, we need to contact him and get part three.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:27

How long ago was that posted?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:29

One month.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:30

A month ago? Yeah. Local chef can't keep us waiting, bro.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:35

Yep, yep. That's crazy. Son of a gun. God damn it. Heckin' frick. I'm trying to where are we at? Where uh yeah, we're probably at the end here, but I was gonna see if there was one where it was like really fucking short.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:49

Nah, we're at an hour fifteen. That's a pretty good stopping point.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:53

Let me let me just let me just tell you a title or two here. Okay. Just to just to titalize everyone. Just to tannellate everyone. Uh I killed a cat. Bummer. That's pretty solid. That's a solid title.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:08

That one's gonna bum me out.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:09

Did we do cold case? Yeah, we did. We did cold case thing. Yeah, I'm a detective.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:14

Yeah. Um, I do detective work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:19

It's local chef level. We did do that.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:22

Dialogue. We did, I think my stepdad isn't real. Um did we do that or have I just clicked on it?

SPEAKER_12 1:16:29

I don't think we've I know we did the one where he's like, my new neighbor's a racist.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh no, we haven't done this one. This one's pretty fucking long. Oh my god, dude. Oh his long ones are where the gold is, though.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:42

Next week, we both do long ones. Yeah. We got we got a fucking fat hour and a half for you guys next week of spurgy spooks only. Because the one that I've got is pretty fire, too. Let me uh since you title spoiled, I'll title spoil too. Let's do it. Uh my one for next week is oh god, there's no detention at my high school. Instead, they send you to the wasp room. God damn. Hello Revelent relevant revelent. Let me revel in the relevance.

SPEAKER_14 1:17:17

I revel in the relevance.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:19

That could be some fucking dope. That could be a bar, dog.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:22

Um I revel in the relevance.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:27

And it's that's just when things are relevant, it's nice, but it's like, uh why are you rev reveling in that? Yeah, because that's great.

SPEAKER_14 1:17:36

I was so irrelevant.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:38

I revel in the revelation.

SPEAKER_14 1:17:39

I revel in the revelence, because I was so irrelevant!

SPEAKER_07 1:17:44

I revel in the irreverent relevance.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:48

We could we could stack bars on bars.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:50

Anyway, it's hella hella revelent. Sorry.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:55

I was gonna freestyle. I can do it. I'm not anymore. It's hella relevant.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:03

Because of your wasp problem.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:06

That's what I was trying to say.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:07

They are probably like seven feet away from us right now.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:13

Old Jack News has a has a wasp problem.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:15

The little the little hella relevant! Little shitty like dark red wasps, those little guys. The normal wasps you see flying around everywhere. Not the black and yellow guys, but the black and yellow dark red guys. Those motherfuckers. Paper wasps, maybe I can't remember what they are. I think they are. Yeah, I think they're paper wasps. They make the little cone dealio guy. Sometimes they're real small, sometimes they're fucking, you know.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:38

One of the suggestions I made for a potential band name way back in the in the way days. Yeah. Paper wasp.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:44

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:46

Pretty cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:47

Yeah. Second best uh outside of Gapekeeper and Gladiator was uh Plants for Hire. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a fun one.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:57

That's great. That was a fun idea. That's great.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:59

I don't know if we would have sold the fucking geriatrics in our band on a SpongeBob reference. Yeah, probably not. It would have been like, that's gay. Yeah, probably. That's gay. You guys are gay, we're out.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:11

We might be able to name a song that, but definitely.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:14

I'll definitely name a song Plants for Hire. They'll have no idea what the fuck that means. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, cool, man.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:21

I like the riff I wrote for it.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:24

Life lesson for everyone. Paper tigers cannot hurt you. But paper wasps, they'll fuck your shit up, dude. They'll sting your ass. Yeah. It'll hurt your fingers, dude. Or your face. Or your face. Yeah. You may get swarmed. Sometimes they go for your face. I've heard stories of people saying that they go for my dad told me that.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:46

I think they've got I think most bugs like they have like almost infrared vision. And your face is hot because all the fucking CO2 you're breathing out. Yeah. That's uh CO2 is how mosquitoes find you.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:59

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:01

So uh don't breathe outside. This has been the science minute. Hold your breath when you're outdoors.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:07

This has been the bug science minute.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:09

If you have a bird bath, empty it out every once in a while because that's where they lay their eggs.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:13

I will have an update next week on the wasp trap. Nice. I'm excited to hear about that. I'm not gonna be able to hang it tomorrow, probably, but I'll hang it in a couple days and I'll I'll get back to you about if it works.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:25

You know what my favorite thing about Wednesdays is now? What? Is that I don't have to do fucking anything until next Tuesday. Yeah, I do nothing for like three days. Oh no, we have a show on Friday. I gotta do stuff. It's fun stuff. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:47

I get to use my new amp for the first time.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:49

Hell yeah, dude. Your tone, what you got going on with those dark glass pedals makes my fucking penis throb.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:57

It's fun, dude. I'm trying to go for that converge like dirt.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:00

You've got oh, speaking of which, we didn't talk about this on the$1 Patreon episode that we meant to talk about. Uh-huh. Uh, you tried to get me into cursive. Oh, yeah. By the way, gay.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:11

Nope. Yep. Not gay at all. They're fucking awesome, dude.

SPEAKER_13 1:21:15

Dude, you can stick those horns up their ass.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:18

Dude, the trumpets are awesome.

SPEAKER_13 1:21:20

That shit is gay.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:21

It's not. But, dude, the trumpets in Big Bang are so nice. But in the cello. I'm trying to give you a butt.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:30

I'm trying to give you a butt, tit guy. Alright, alright. I did I listen to Converge today. Yeah? It's pretty good.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:37

Converge is sick as well. It's just a different thing.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:40

No, it's it's not.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:42

Cursive is fucking sick, dude. Cursive is awesome. They're like legendary. They're okay. They're legendary.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:48

It's not for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:49

Like fucking legendary.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:51

It's not you know why it's not for me? You want to know why it's not for me? Yeah, why? Because I'm not gay. No. It just didn't click for me, dude. I know, I know. It didn't click for me. It's I I can see I can see how it would be good. Yeah. But not to me. Yeah, I get it. It doesn't vi I don't vibe with it. Yeah. There's a lot going on.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:14

I figured you would like the heavier songs. Or you might not like the less heavy shit.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:20

There's too much, there's too much going on, and none of it's good.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:25

That is not so, dude. It's so good. I'll tell you, I'll give you this. The lyrics were pretty cool. The lyrics are always pretty cool. That's why I recommended it. The lyrics were pretty cool. To inspire you in a songwriting. Everything else was gay. No, dude. It's fucking good. It's like it's like it's like all like indie rock that's got a lot of bite to it. It's not like uh soft rock. It's like there, it's there's a lot of attack to the guitar playing and like everything. And then there's almost uh almost I don't know, like three-fourths of the albums have like some alternate instrumentation, like a cello or horns. Uh there's only a couple with just guitars, you know, that's like guitar heavy. And it's got a lot of attack to it. It's just like very abrasive indie rock. It definitely felt like an attack. And it's on my fucking and his fucking lyric his lyrics and his songwriting are so fucking good uh to go along with this like it's like not screaming. He doesn't scream, he like sings, but it but it has a lot of that like hardcore ethos in it. Like to s it's got like the intensity, like the fucking imagery well, and also the the like uh the pacing is hardcore-esque, but it's like more standard chords, more like minor chords being just fucking shoved down your throat, with like two-thirds of the distortion of a fucking metal song, you know?

SPEAKER_12 1:24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:02

Anyway, they're one of my favorite bands. They have been for a long fucking time, but uh since I was a teenager, a late teenager, I got in I got into cursive when I was like 18. Yeah. I was gonna read some lyrics that so you didn't have to hear the song, but you could at least hear the lyrics earlier on the Patreon.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:19

This is your fault. You made me listen to the music.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:21

We're gonna have to do it next week where I actually read some of my favorite lyrics of theirs. I listen to the lyrics. So you could I mean the big bangs and amazing, it has amazing lyrics. They were pretty cool lyrics. Yeah. Dude, the fucking the whole, like, okay, while we're here, fucking the the cursive song gentleman caller has uh like a whole that's the one that's like bump, ba da, bump, ba da, da, bump, ba-da. You didn't fucking dig that? The rhythm was cool. And then and then it fucking it's heavy for like a minute and a half, and then it completely drops. And there's like this fucking the rest of the song is like a swell, and it's so pretty. Every layer that gets fucking filed in is so is prettier than the last, and it's this beautiful fucking ending. You didn't like all that?

SPEAKER_12 1:25:16

So I listened to all of the Big Bang first. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:20

And I and this is what this is what I listened to it like with eyes to one side, you're side-eyeing the universe about it.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:30

With like a little bit of like really it was like a how loud were your headphones?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:40

Or how loud was the normal volume?

SPEAKER_12 1:25:42

Okay, like how I normally listen to music, like palatable cursive deserves loud, I feel like.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:48

It was like I listened to music loud. Especially those songs. I mean, even the big bang I'm thinking about, like ba-da-da-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da. And that's like so infectious.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:02

Those are fucking trumpets going yeah. And it's kind of gay. Nah, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:10

It's fun.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:11

I don't like I don't like the trumpets.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:13

And his lyrics in the song are fucking amazing.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:15

They're like, they sound like yeah, they sound like trumpets. And that's the problem.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:21

They have a trumpet player. Well, that guy's band he plays keyboard and trumpet, I believe. Yeah, on that album.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:28

It fucking sucks. Nah, dude. I don't like that guy.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:30

It's cool. It's good. It's good. We're polarized on this one thing. This is one thing. I guess we're never gonna have trumpets.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:38

No, no, brother. You're not a horn guy. Not a I like saxophone. Well, saxophone is pretty. Trumpets are like Yeah. I get it. It is a lot, it's too much.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:53

I don't know. I don't hate it. I like it in that song. And then when it goes to the fucking uh guitar solo toward the end is sick, and ah, it's the guitar work in that that song was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:04

The lyrics were pretty cool, the singing was fine, the drums sounded like shit, and the trumpet is gay. Uh, I got halfway through Gentleman Caller and I was like, let's see if Converge is any good. Let's see if this fucking retard knows anything about music at all. And I listened to Converge and I was like instrumentally, phenomenal. Yeah. And you know I'm picky about vocalists.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:29

Yeah, yeah. The vocalist was just okay. What did you listen to?

SPEAKER_12 1:27:33

I went to their Spotify page and I listened to the like all the songs that they they put it at the top. Like these this is what we want to represent us. And I listened to like seven.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:44

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:45

In a row. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:46

With no problem. That's probably a nice little uh a nice little smattering.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:50

Yeah, if you look at their Spotify page, you can only see five at a time, but I let it keep going for a little bit and then I went back to every time I did it.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:57

Oh, okay. It's all it's all off the new record.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:59

Is it? Yeah, it's just I just hit play at the top.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:02

You probably you've heard Hum of Hurt and I have not. Let me see what you're seeing. That's the that's their uh their tops is the new songs.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:12

Let me let me compare that to what I saw because I feel like it wasn't like that for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:19

Oh, I wonder if I've liked these songs.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:22

It might be.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:23

I feel like there was more variance in what uh I mean the entire album Jane Doe is it is a fucking hardcore classic masterpiece.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:36

Yeah, it was the exact same for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:37

I wasn't looking at it, I just hit play. Yeah, so you heard the new album pretty much, and it is fucking sick. The new album's great. Uh but I think I haven't listened to Hum of Hurt yet, but they they kind of said we put like our like soundscape songs on this second album.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:53

I thought I thought like legit instrumentally fucking phenomenal. They got some cool fucking shit going on with the the guitars and the drums. It's fucking sick.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:03

Dude, they're legends. I mean, they're like up there. They're up there, as far as I'm concerned, they're and pretty much in the scene. I don't know if they have quite the fucking following of Every Time I Die, but it's not that far off. They're one of those bands.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:17

I feel like they could be brought here.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:19

Uh Dillinger Escape Plan, they're up there with them. Like, they're all regarded. They've all put out like every album was at least a seven for those three bands. They're like my top three hardcore bands. Like, as far as you kind of have to just recognize these guys had the prowess, they had the fucking fucking gumption and the balls, and the fucking talent, and they made each four or five undeniably good records. Yeah, I mean just fucking monsters, dude.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:52

I haven't dove deep enough into the Converge sphere. I've basically only heard one album. Dude. Uh, but I will say, Every time I die, that is there's two bands that you put me on to that are like in my top five favorite bands of all time now, Dow Boys and Every Time I Die. Yeah. Dude, you're batting 500. That's pretty fucking good. You tried to put me on to two others, and they're just one sucks and the other's okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:23

And I think that's just how I feel.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:24

I think I think you gotta do a couple more albums of Converge before you can definitively say that.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:30

If if the vocals sound the same way on every album, I'm gonna continue to say they're like a six out of ten.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:36

They do, they do, but they're a little more uh I don't know how to put it without being mean. They're a little more like hungry and almost motivated, I guess, on the earlier shit. Okay. Um and the and it is far more dynamic, intense, and thrashy earlier on. It is really dynamic. Fucking chaos. I mean, there are dynamics, but the uh the album Jane Doe is fucking just wonderful chaos for however long it is. And uh yeah, the uh the other one for me would be Fear Before the March of Flames. And we've listened to them before songs, but I've you I don't think you've taken in a whole album unless you did and you didn't tell me.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:26

Maybe I don't know. I I like some of Fear Before. You know what the other one is? If I do more of you're still batting 500 because Fall of Troy fucking rules.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:39

Fall of Troy is pretty good. Follow Troy fucking rules, dude. He did uh a solo album and it's pretty decent. I mean, it's basically Fall of Troy. I'll check it out. Thomas Erach, E-R-A-K.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:50

Dude, Riff Master, absolute fucking Riff. Oh, dude, just Riffin God. Riff God, obviously, yeah. Big time. Uh yeah, fucking Fear Before the March of Flames. I didn't get super into it. It didn't click for me right away. The other three clicked for me immediately.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:06

Yeah. I would give give fucking Fear Before another visit. The album Art Damage would be the one. Okay. That's where they honed it in, and it's 30 minutes of a thing. Okay. Of that.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:19

Horse the band clicked for me too. I'll be honest. They're sick, dude. Sick as well. Horse the band's fucking amazing. I like the chaos, I like dynamic vocals, and I like really good riffs. That's really all it takes for me to get into it.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:31

Horse the Band is a good example throughout their albums of incorporating keyboard in a bunch of different things. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:37

They're the the Nintendo shit they do is very cool and it's unique.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:41

That's the early shit. And uh they they got put into the box of Nintendo Core, but the the last couple albums were pretty normal or pretty regular, you know, uh keyboard, like just using a lot of synth pads and shit. Good. I like that shit. Anyway.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:56

I need inspiration on that shit. Anyway, comment, dude. Yeah, comment.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:01

Spotify comments, please. Comment.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:03

We like reading them. And uh Jake has to read them like uh I forgot what happened.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:11

Black, right? I think. Yeah. I'm reading them all black. I like the show. Yo, I'm local chef and I'm reading comments now. It is I, local chef. I will now read the comments now. I'm gonna read some comments now, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:28

Uh check us out on Patreon, patreon.com slash fartmouth, fartmouth.com. Click the Patreon button or don't. Uh if you're broke, it's fine. I get it. I really do. I promise. Canceled all my subscriptions to everything. So, you know, if you got the scratch, throw us a bone. A dollar gets you four episodes a week, month, month. Yeah. Uh ten dollars gets you a whole bunch more, a whole the fuck bunch more.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:33:53

Um there's five dollars where I play video games.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:56

You could pay five motherfucking dollars and watch videos on vigigames.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:00

If you don't subscribe, I'll beat you with a big flashlight.

unknown 1:34:04

I am the night.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:06

And I'm broke as fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:08

Yeah, Batman never came back for me for me to use his voice.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:12

Dude, when you dropped the cape flapping thing, absolutely fucking brilliant. Loved that. That got me hard.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:20

I saw his ears sticking up through the top of the blinds.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:24

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:26

Uh my boss, Bruce.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:30

His parents just died.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:33

Mr. Wave.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:35

Okay. Uh, yeah. Thank you everyone for listening. Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, the button, the button.