316 - Dick in Europe, Balls in Japan

Thank you for downloading the most IT'S COOL episode of Fartmouth ever recorded!

JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/EQ3BWYT3hv

This week's show features...

EVERY SEGMENT

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

But so but like no no no but like when I was no no no no no no no Okay The following film is a production of the Farm's University Tip Chip and the general department Thank you for listening Where woke minds can sleep Farmouth University Clavicular survived his OD Most Unfortunate Yeah die loser on the internet whom I disagree with your lifestyle is distending It's just annoying dude Yeah I hate seeing him Yeah that is uh from what I've been told punishable by death specifically Welcome everyone to Fauntmouth Podcast a show whose host recently started banging a chick that got me feeling like AI the way she make me generate slop what the fuck and shit dog every week we do a few rotating segments to make each other laugh.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

I'm Tyler Jacob that's my biblical from the Bible that's right we got him here fucking the fallen angel himself with the stone and and whatnot that happens in the story that I don't really remember.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

I think that's uh I think that's uh old David and Goliath.

SPEAKER_04 1:35

Oh no, it's not a throne stone, it's like a stone that's just on the ground and I don't know God's like make make that your town or the Bible is fucking boring, dude. Make that make that your town, whatever the name of the town was.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Brother, if you got multiple stories about rocks in your book, your book sucks.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Sorry. There's all kinds of stories about rocks in the Bible. I've never thought about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

My brother.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

Let he without sin cast the first stone or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Shh, bro. There's trees and rocks is all they got. The fuck? That's all that was around.

SPEAKER_04 2:10

I guess that's that's all that they saw. They looked around, they were like trees and rocks, and at night we see the stars up top, and you gotta make shit up about that too.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

If they rewrote the Bible today, it'd be like, and then the Lord Doom scrolled in his bed until he passed out. Wiggy style.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

And he's he was on truth.org, obviously. Or truth, no, truth social.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

He's on blue. He's on both, actually. Blue sky at the same time.

unknown 2:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

The Lord had two phones. Yeah. And he tweeted until 4 a.m. Cause he was on Adderall. Oh man. The Lord, the Lord would rule nowadays, he'd have a fucking blast. Yeah, dude. He'd have perfect cheekbones, I tell you that. Oh yeah. His fucking cantle tilt would be money, bro. Sick, dude.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

He'd be mogging everyone.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Chin moging. Chin moging the whole fucking crew.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

He's maxing and mogging to the max.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Absolutely. And the mog. He'd be nose maxing, that's for sure. Fucking Jew. Little dude's beak beak moging the whole crew.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

Fucking beak moggin and bomb moggin. That's what the Jews are doing lately. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

All right. Uh, so this is gonna be our first week attempting. Um, I mean, I say new format, but it's really just um us kind of getting all of the segment, giving all the segments a little bit of love throughout an entire episode, spending less time on each one. Yeah, but getting you get more bang for your buck. If you're a fuck you piece of shit guy, you get a little flavor. If you're a fucking top five guy, you get a little fucking schmuck of doodle dood. If you're a would you rather simp. You're gonna be slurping down would you rather cannolis like it's your fucking job. You're gonna have big old fucking ears like De Niro at 80 years old, just sucking up all the fucking humors. Yeah. Alright, so we're gonna start it off with uh Would You Rather. Would you rather humor? Sex stream. Yeah, that's what uh that's what those amaranth types do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:27

Do they?

SPEAKER_02 4:28

The cam girls and such.

SPEAKER_04 4:30

Oh, yeah. Get it? For sure. Yeah. All right. Uh I do get it. It was my topic because I decided so because I texted Tyler about it first. Word.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

And so with that in mind, do you think um, you know, doing a little fucking uh janitorial work mid-so, whomstever topic it may be, shall they go first or last?

SPEAKER_04 4:53

Oh, yeah. Could that be a thing? That's that could be a thing. And maybe you should go first since it's your topic.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

My topic. Surely it some some stroke of the Lord's genius brushed against your uh gray matter.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

And you stroked out a fucking big old goop of awesome. Hopefully. Perhaps. I think so. I I felt I felt like this was a really good one, and I'm you know, pleasantly uh surprised and impressed that we hadn't done this one before.

SPEAKER_04 5:21

I know, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:22

I know I was really happy with it.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

I was like, wow, there's a lot of possibilities on this.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

Yeah, for sure. So uh your your topic for the would you rather this week around was bubblegum. It was very cool. So uh my bubblegum-based would you rather for this week is Jake News. Would you rather uh scrape off and chew every piece of gum stuck to the bottom of a table that you come across just in the world, you know, you're at a fucking meeting, you're out, you know, whatever, for the next year. Oh every table, you're checking, you're scraping, you're chewing for a whole year. Or man, your foreskin regrows, and you have to go get it re-circumcised and then chew it like a piece of bubblegum just once, just one time. Damn. Bonus points if you can blow a bubble with it.

SPEAKER_04 6:15

Oh man. Uh that's funny. That's funny because bonus points don't work. That doesn't matter. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Yeah, there's there's no points in this game at all.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

This this is a shitty one. For a year, I have to chew gum off the bottom of every table I encounter. Or I I have to get a circumcision at 30. It would be 36 by the time I got the circle circumcision.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Yeah, by the time they got you in.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

And I uh I'm 36 getting a circumcision, and then I have to chew it like bubblegum.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Yeah.

unknown 6:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:55

Like right after, like while it's still bloody and everything. I mean Or can I wash it off?

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

You can make it sanitary.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

Okay, alright. You don't have to, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:06

Okay. I don't think your blood's unsanitary. It's in you.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

You know, you can I'll let you recover a little bit from the surge. It's not like you're still in the hospital bed with your dick bleeding. Bloody ass dick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Through your uh through your hospital diaper.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Right.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

All right. I I guess I'm I guess I'm uh I don't want to undergo a surgery, man. Yeah. But at the same time, a year is gonna get so old. I just I gotta make sure. Okay, I'm gonna do the gum thing, the actual gum thing. But I'm oh I'm never gonna visit a place where gum is underneath it. Like, uh I'm never gonna go to a school. I I can't get a hundred feet from a school anyway. Uh but so like uh I think I'm gonna pick that. I think I'm I'm I started a second guess, but I think that's it.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Yeah, I mean, in our in our current age, we don't go a lot of places, but you know, there's tables at bars.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

That's true, that's where it's gonna get me.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

You're you're in a you're in a couple of bands that are playing a lot of shows this year. You're gonna be scraping a lot of fucking drunk dude gum off the bottom of tables at bars. Yeah, it's gonna be disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 8:27

No, yeah, for sure. But I won't have to undergo surgery.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

I'm I've been staving that off, dude. It's gonna happen, but like at some point.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

It's definitely one of my uh one of my fears. I was gonna say irrational fear. I don't think it's irrational to be afraid of surgery at all.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

No, it's not. That means something is terribly wrong. You should be scared of that.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

I don't want to go under my my biggest fear in it, honestly, is the going under part.

SPEAKER_04 8:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Because I'm afraid I ain't coming back.

SPEAKER_04 8:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

You know, they're gonna fucking put me under, I'm gonna go to sleep uh with sedation, and something's gonna fucking go wrong during this. It's a like a it's a little bit of like a control thing, but also just like uh it's a high like every single night when you lay down in bed and fall asleep, you could not wake up the next day. Yeah, but it seems a lot more likely when you're getting fucking cut open. Yeah, right. I could react bad to the anesthesia, they could fucking you know nick a artery, right? They could put the wrong fucking kidney in me or some shit. They could leave the towel in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:31

They've done that.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Or uh what junior mint. A junior mint could be sewed back up inside of me. Yeah, yeah. I could go septic.

SPEAKER_04 9:38

Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Minty fresh organs, though. What if the uh what if the fucking mortician's a hot gal and she wants to she wants to get her fucking rocks off on my rigor mortis cock.

SPEAKER_04 9:52

Get her some double mint cum up inside her.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

That's right. Uh, you know what? I think the biggest bummer about the second one is is uh like you get to regrow your foreskin. So like, oh shit, like that's a fun concept, right? Because as two dudes that were circumcised as babies, we've never gotten to experience the world as a as a fucking uh a hooded cocked man. No, yeah. There's a lot of word on the street that it's better. Yeah. Feeling-wise for sexual stuff, and yeah, but uh it's immediately gonna be chopped off by um either a doctor or a moy, depending on you know what's available out there for you.

SPEAKER_04 10:35

Like, no, don't kiss it.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Don't oh wait, no, you're not a baby, you're not a child, so they don't have any interest in touching or sucking your dick. Probably not. Right. Uh yeah. Man, that's it is a brutal would you rather? I don't know what I would do in that situation. I I don't know if like circumcision is a knock you out kind of surgery. I don't know if that's local anesthesia.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

Yeah, I bet it is local.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

They probably do the curtain thing so you can't see what's going on. Yeah, they just kind of fucking inject the the Frem. Yeah, they go underneath, I feel like it's a lot. It is a lot. That's crazy. It sucks.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

We all of our dicks have surgery scars on them. Mm-hmm. Just from being a baby. I know it's mild compared to other surgic like surgical procedures, obviously, but like fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Some some people's peckers got butchered, dude.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Oh yeah. I'm glad mine didn't. It's still it's decent. It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

That shit looks like Freddie Krueger.

SPEAKER_04 11:35

It's fine. It does not look like it was in a house fire. Uh that was a good one, man.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Thanks. I also too. I also. Hey, let us know in the Spotify comments.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

I am which one you'd rather, do you? Uh oh, we have new Spotify comments.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Do we? I haven't checked. I'll pull it up while you're reading it. Yeah, pull it up.

SPEAKER_04 11:54

Uh would you rather, Tyler? Put ten packs worth of recently chewed bubble in your hair. Okay. Ten packs. Okay. That's a lot, dude. Yeah. That's I think that's ten pieces each. It's like a hundred pieces of gum worth, and you have to chew on it for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

I don't know if you guys have seen what I look like, what Jake or I look like. We we are both guys with very long hair. Yeah. Uh my Jake had a haircut recently, so mine's way longer. It's damn near down to my nipples. If not, yeah, dude. I feel like it is. Yeah, my hair is past my nipple at this point. Yeah. Uh that's that's a fucking nightmare.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

Yeah, I know. Go on. I know. Or chew 10 different specimens of already been chewed gum, ABC gum as they used to call it, from beneath the desks of a West Virginia elementary school.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Oh no. Guaranteed gingivitis.

SPEAKER_04 12:55

Not a place known for its oral hygiene.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

No. Oh no. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:01

Could be some people named Eugene, but not right, right.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

No hygiene.

SPEAKER_04 13:07

No hygiene.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Bad hygiene Eugene. Little Eugene Oregon. Jeannie.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

There's definitely old ladies named Jeannie.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Why don't you come over here and suck on this Eugene's Oregon? If you know what I mean. Um what was the first one again? I'm sorry. Uh fucking uh The bubblegum in the hair. Yeah, yeah, hair, yeah. Or chew 10 pieces of uh of scraped off table gum. Yeah. Fuck.

unknown 13:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Alright. Well, so You think all gum off the bottom of a table is completely flavorless?

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Yeah. I do. I think there's I I think there's probably a hint. Like the smell, you know how like your your the smell, your olfactory contributes to taste. I think that uh there'll just be a hint.

SPEAKER_04 13:55

A hint of mint, huh?

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Well, maybe probably some queer mint.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

Yeah, that is. Yeah, fuck man.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Do you think girls do that?

SPEAKER_04 14:07

Chew ABC gum?

SPEAKER_02 14:09

No, stick it under desks.

SPEAKER_04 14:11

Oh, yeah, for sure. You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls do that. There's girls, there are girls who do that. For sure. Girls are disgusting. Dude, I've learned. Um they are. The last like you it's always like the the perception is always that men are more disgusting. Boys are more disgusting. There's so gross. Girls are fucking gross.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Dude, the last three or four chicks I've dated have taught me a lot about uh hygiene. Girls are lazy, dude. Until you live with a woman, you really don't quite understand. You know, you might date a girl and you go where she lives and it's a little bit messy or whatever.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Until you live with a chick or spend a lot of time with a chick with her sleeping over three, four, five days a week, you get to you start to notice their hygiene routine, and you're like, Yeah, you're icky. You're just a little stank coon, aren't you? You're a little funkzilla. I thought I thought only fucking fat girls had B.O. until I started dating chicks that are like skipping showers and like too lazy to wash their hair and shit.

SPEAKER_04 15:32

You're my little strawberry thrush cake.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

It's pretty foul, you know? But at the end of the day, like when your dick is hard. That shit don't matter at all, dude.

SPEAKER_04 15:49

Yeah, no's don't fucking matter, bro. No, dude, just breathe through your mouth. If anything happens like that, if if you catch a not a great whiff at all ever, just fucking breathe through your mouth. Yeah. And everything's fine. Yeah. No matter where your face is, you can just breathe through your mouth and everything's good.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Yeah. It's tougher when your mouth is full of pussyhole or uh busy licking the outer um layers of balloon knot. It's tougher, but it's doable. So, you know, soldier on. But as soon as your dick gets soft, you're just like, this cunt needs to shower. She needs to go wash her fucking hands. Yeah. Fucking pits, bitch. There's no hair in there. Why is it smelly? What are you eating? The fuck? No more burgers, bitch. The hell?

SPEAKER_04 16:42

How many onion rings have you eaten this week?

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Lord have mercy. I know that you've not eaten asparagus in the last week. Why does your pest smell like that? What is going on with your body? What kind of fucking drugs are you on? Anyway. How many days have you skipped deodorant? Girls are gross. Um, but yeah, you're right. You're right. That is that is a good line of logic. Um, but the girls put the fucking gun. I remember when I was um when I was like, I don't know, 11 or 12. Uh, there was this girl. We were crushing on each other. It was one of those, you know, hey, stars aligned. She was crushing on me, I was crushing on her. We started hanging out holding hands. Hell no, bro. Dude, fucking Christian pregnancy, if you will.

SPEAKER_04 17:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Little little Lord's uh damnation of hand fallacious just a tiny sin. Yeah, phalange fallacious.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

Yeah. If you're doing it with someone of the same sex, like I pantomimed jokingly.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Yeah, I was not gonna reciprocate that, by the way. I ain't drunk enough to be holding hands with a dude right now.

SPEAKER_04 17:55

Like I I pantomimed jokingly. Uh fucking if it's a dude, it's Satan himself's fucking sin, like worthy of sin, you know.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Yeah, I think that's the only the only sin that Satan like is fucking hype on is gay shit. I think Satan's down there and he's like, hell yeah, dude. Fucking toss that salad, bro. Get it, brother. Get that fucking pink eye, brother. Yeah, get in that asshole. Everything else, he's just like, yeah, abortions are cool and all, but where's the cum?

SPEAKER_04 18:27

You guys just finished a great Monday night raw. Get after it. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Put the vest on. You can suck his dick while you're powerbombing him. Yeah, dude. How cool is that? Pull the cage out of the closet. Let's get it going, dude. Macho Man Randy ravaged that ass.

SPEAKER_04 18:47

Truly hell in a cell, dude, because that's where you guys are going.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Go get you a man of any kind.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

Take him under, you know? Yeah. Dick him down, take him under.

SPEAKER_03 19:08

We're only doing attitude era.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Really sting him in the asshole, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Yeah, dude. Get real Diamond Dallas gay about it.

SPEAKER_04 19:17

Diamond Dallas Gape, that motherfucker. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Diamond Dallas Gape needs to go on the list. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Ah, fuck. Am I gonna remember that or should I awkwardly put it on the list right now?

SPEAKER_02 19:29

I mean, uh Have you picked one? Have you picked one yet? I forgot where we were in that episode. Oh, bubblegum in the hair or eating the gum. Okay, yeah, yeah. So, right, this this this definitely triggers me in two different ways. And I will have to say that you are very problematic for that. Um, and I will be uh tweeting about it later. But um obviously, uh I don't I I don't like fuck. I hate I hate both of these options, is what I'm what I'm getting at. Oh, they're bad. I don't essentially the bubblegum thing, I gotta shave my head, and I really don't want to fucking do that.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Um I've had very short hair in the past. I don't like it. Me neither. Me neither. I have not shears have not touched this mop in four years. I have I have not had a haircut in any way, shape, or form in four years. I've been saying for the past year that I need to get a trim because I've got a lot of split ends and dead ends. Most of it laziness, partially don't like going places and doing things at all ever for any reason, um, especially if it's inconvenient to me in any way, shape, or form. And um, every time you get any type of haircut situation at a place, there's waiting involved, and I don't wanna. And then I'm being touched by a stranger, which can go one of two ways, and we don't need to talk about either of them. Uh, either I'm uncomfortable or horny. That's the those are the ways that it goes. Yeah. And uh yeah, so uh laziness and now brokeness. So it's both. It's I have two excuses, so I'll just continue to not do it.

SPEAKER_04 21:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Um, until later, eventually, maybe.

SPEAKER_04 21:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

And then the other thing is uh putting disgusting things in my mouth is also a huge problem for me. Yeah, uh, I'm not quick to vomit. I just I disgust feels not good to have. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to be disgusted, right? No one but it's it's a temporary inconvenience. Inconvenience is a lightweight pudding. It's it's a temporary hell to live in.

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Uh unlike the eternal one that gay people go to.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Exactly. Yeah, it is. Where they get to get fucked by Satan, which, you know, sounds cool, but I assure you, very selfish lover.

SPEAKER_04 22:02

And as calm as fire, probably.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Uh yeah, dude. Lava in your asshole? Cool, maybe the first couple of times. But now your asshole is gone.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

Yeah, yeah. It's really a one-time thing, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

After it has to be regrown and re-melted, I think you'll understand. Not worth it. Yeah. Just, you know, repent. Problem. Find a good, buxome woman. Accept that her lasagna is mid and just marry her and impregnate her with 14 babies as God intended. Yep. Um be Catholic. Fuck. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

For fuck's sake, dude.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Eat his body. Repent.

SPEAKER_04 22:46

Eat his blood. Repent.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

Come to that. You know? Yeah, there's a shirtless ripped guy hanging in every service, dude. And you are putting his body and blood inside of you. Yeah, dude. That's pretty hot.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

That is how Freddie Mercury got AIDS. So there you go, dude. That's your whole thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Man, dude, imagine a fucking Catholic listening to this going, I'm gay. Am I gay now? Is that the thing? Is that it? Could there be anything more blasphemous than what these asshole retards are saying right now? Is that what's wrong with me? Wow. Uh it is what's wrong with you. You are gay.

SPEAKER_04 23:26

Yeah. If you're wondering that, you are gay.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

You're also just a you know piece of shit. Yeah. But um So which one are you picking? I think the temporary hell is the way to go because sick. Yeah. It's gonna take another two to three years to get my hair back to where it belongs. True. Whereas I can fucking be a little bit traumatized for maybe a few days. There's honestly, dude. The thing is, it's impossible to have this perspective, right? When something bad is happening to you, it's impossible to know that within two or three days you're gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_04 23:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

It's impossible to uh accept that in your you know logical brain while your emotional brain is so fucking overloaded with sadness or or whatever. Yeah, yeah. You know, like getting getting dumped by the love of your life. You know in your logical brain, fuck this whore. You know, yeah, like you'll be fine in three days. You'll be stroking your dick to some fucking ebony glory hole, whatever the midget, whatever the thing is that you're into, and you'll you'll you'll play video games, you'll hang out with your boys, you'll start a new project or hobby, and you'll be over it. Right. It's impossible to just not cry because you know that. So, like, I forgot what my point was. I'll chew the gum. I forgot where the fuck I was going with that.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

I just you're leading us all down a path. I know I was there.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

I know. I I get it. But uh, I think my point was uh during the the gum chewing disgust, I'll know that it'll be fine later. But it's still gonna suck in the moment. But if I have 40 fucking thousand chunks of fucking chewed disgusting gingivitis gum in my hair or whatever, there's not gonna be a moment where I'm like, this is fine. Right. The whole time I'm just gonna be like, this is gay, I hate it. Uh now I'm gonna have to go let some fat slut at the fucking sports clips shave my head. And she's gonna be like, Do you want the fucking face towel? And I'll be like, Shut up, you dumb whore. I'll choke you with the face towel, I'll drown you in the fucking shampoo sink. Bitch. You fucking lumpy, unwashed, unhygienic whore. Stanky bitch. You you BO ridden slob. Your fingernails out of my fucking scalp. Uh yeah. Oh yeah, dude. And I'll be mad about it for fucking years, literal years. Yeah. I'm not gonna be I'll forget the gum thing happened the very moment beer touches my lips. True, true. Anyway, yeah. That's would you rather?

SPEAKER_04 26:04

I keep thinking my thing is next, but you pulled up the comments. So right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

We don't have a drop for this. This isn't really a segment. We just promised we'd do this. Um, we said last week that leave Spotify comments and we'll read them. So here we are. And the first one is a little bit of a doozy. Yo, from from Robbie. I don't know if this is his real name. Yeah. Um, very uh interesting looking guy. So here's what I'll say. I would hang out with you, but I feel like you might kill me because you look like a psycho murder guy. But you're you know, but it would be fun and interesting. So Robbie says, yo, never thought I'd get shouted out on my favorite friggin' podcast. Exclamation point question mark. What are you asking here? Epic, period. Now we aren't entirely strangers, huh? Robbie, uh, I listen. We're having a we're having a party at our house uh in July this year, party three. I'm gonna go ahead and say this. I love you, brother. You're not invited. I'm scared of you. If you're adamant that you're coming, I got a gun. I'm just saying for protection, for my own safety. You know? Because you look like a wild card, brother. If I were the president, I I'm steering clear. I'm just saying, like, if I'm a if I'm a a middle school, you're not you're not welcome. I'm just saying, hey, you're cool though. Thanks, man. Thanks for the comment. Zeke, our boy, easy motherfucking E. If you want to see another five-star Yelpers review of Jake's homemade cheese pizza, you'll shout out Easy on the next episode. That's some deep lore. Thanks. Thanks for the comment, Easy. Cody said, I lied. Fuck you, you piece of shit is my favorite segment. The continuity there isn't connecting in my brain. I don't remember you saying anything else was your favorite, but I appreciate that. Because fuck you piece of shit, by the way, just for you, Cody, is the next segment on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dennis said, another great episode. Keep doing what you do. Fuck yeah.

unknown 28:26

Listen.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Thanks, brother. Thanks. Samuel L. Blackson was a fucking banger episode. I don't know. We're not always gonna capture that magic, but I love you regardless. Keep the Spotify comments coming. Yeah, you're always nice to feel a little bit of love. If I wasn't dead inside, I feel like I would probably feel pretty good about myself after reading those. But uh, I'm a I'm an interesting human that doesn't ever feel good about himself. We're gonna go right into our next segment and not talk about the psychological implications of all the things that I just said. I will never get therapy. I don't trust anybody.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

Fuck you, you piece of shit.

SPEAKER_04 29:03

If I don't trust myself, how am I gonna trust someone else?

SPEAKER_02 29:07

And that rhymed. We really do appreciate it though. That uh we do it's nice. We do keep them common.

SPEAKER_04 29:12

Yeah. Keep that comment train rolling, dude. My my fuck you piece of shit is one person, but I got but I gotta get there. I can't tell you right now who it is. It's you! Sometimes I like to start it by telling you who the piece of shit is and then telling you the story. I gotta start with the story, kinda.

SPEAKER_02 29:32

Can't wait to find out what I did wrong this week. Just cuz.

SPEAKER_04 29:35

No, it's not like that. It's not a big reveal or nothing. It's a stranger. But uh so McDonald's is running a promotion right now, Tyler. I don't know. I don't know if you've heard of this or seen this. They're running a promotion currently. They collabed with KP Demon Honors.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yes. I've heard from one person.

SPEAKER_04 29:57

And so what you get is you get 10 McNuggets. It's a 10-piece with some extra shit, with some flair, basically. It's a 10, and it comes in a big adult happy meal box, right? Okay. Uh, so it's the 10-piece McNuggets, and then you you get the large fry, you get uh the drink, you know, but with it in the box is a fucking an extra bag and a little thing of ramen fucking powder, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 30:35

So what you do is you put the fries in the bag, you fucking dump the ramen powder in the bag and you shake that shit. I like that. It's big enough that you can you can really shake it a lot, and you get the fucking seasoning all spread around in there. It's pretty fucking good, man.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

I'm gonna be honest, I I like that a lot more than I thought I was going to when we first started talking about it.

SPEAKER_04 30:54

Dude, they got two brand new spicy sauces for the fucking Nugs. It's pretty fucking dope, actually. So for McDonald's, it's pretty dope. Anyway, and you also get collectible cards that have that are like holographic that have the demon hunters on them, right? So that's that's ultimately what I'm there for because got a fucking 40-year-old kid in my life. So who likes that shit? So uh the movie's fine, by the way. I'm I'm not I'm not trying to say I don't like the movie. It was it was it was actually a good movie, but sounds like it's got a lot of marketing dollars behind it. It definitely does, dude, because they're gonna do a second one and I'm sure it's gonna, you know, be all the rage. Anyway, so we're at McDonald's on Thursday, right? And uh I go and pick the kid up from school, go to McDonald's first thing after school. Like a kid's life is fucking sick, but I like you just get done with school, which in preschool is all fun shit pretty much. Yeah, yeah. Drawing, coloring, yeah, like all fun shit. You just get creative and play on the playground when it's warm and it's great. And then straight from that to the fucking worst food for you, but the food you want the most. Straight from one to the other. So the line's not crazy when I pull up and I'm like, oh hell yeah, dude. I it's like one person in front of me at the double drive-thru speaker system, you know? Right. And one person in front of me, and they get done pretty quick. I pull up, I'm like, I want one of the K-pop demon hunter meals, and then I'm gonna get her the fucking Mario happy meal, right?

SPEAKER_02 32:28

Damn, they got two different motherfucking things.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

I know, dude, I know. It's sick. So then she gets one of the Mario figurines that comes with the fucking happy meal and the cards, you know? So uh I'm I'm like, I want the fucking demon hunters thing. She's like the bitch in the fucking speaker has the has the nerve to kind of impatiently go, we don't have that anymore. Which one? The K pop Demon Hunters thing. What? So the whole reason I came to McDonald's is fucked now. Because I I wanted I wanted the meal, actually, like again. Because that's a pretty that's not a bad, like you get food, they get cards, what a deal. Yeah, and but I really wanted the cards for her. Nope. And it kind of gives me an excuse to eat shitty, you know? And uh, and so I I just got the 10-piece, the regular 10-piece with barbecue. So I was like, fuck it. I was feeling the nuggets. And uh she gets she still gets the fucking happy meal, you know, with the Mario toy. And uh, we pull around, I fucking pay, and there's like a there's like an SUV in front of me. It's like a blue, I don't know, like a Subaru-ish thing, maybe Toyota, maybe some. I don't remember the fucking brand. I should have remembered the brand, but I don't remember the brand because I was quickly not happy with these.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

Or race of the uh driver.

SPEAKER_04 33:55

It was an old white lady, I believe.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Damn, I was thinking hatch black.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

So so I pull up, I pay, and I'm talking, I'm talking to the the child and and shit, and then uh we pull up, and as we are pulling away from the money window, the fucking food window, the the SUV that's there, is starting to pull away from the food window. Well, I'm pulling up right behind him. I keep it tight, dude. Yeah, I'm not gonna be the reason that somebody can't reach the speaker or the fucking window behind me. I'm not gonna be that little piece.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Every time Jake's behind the wheel, he's all he can think about is I do not want to get honked at. It's like if I get honked at, my life is fucking over.

SPEAKER_04 34:36

Yeah, I'm gonna be flustered for the minutes. Red lights.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

He's watching the red lights, but he's in his pariff. He's like the fucking the opposite direction. I'm watching for that to turn yellow so that the second I'm gonna be like Mario Andretti off the line. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:51

For sure. So I I I also am just like, I hate when that happens to me, so I don't want to do it to other people. I'm also in a really short car, so it's super easy for me. Uh, but I'm pulling up and I'm not leaving much room. I'm like ready, you know? And I pull up right behind this motherfucker as they're pulling away, they stop. And they start to back up. Oh no, they stop, they hit reverse quick and they start to back up. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like I don't have much because now the truck behind me has paid quickly, and they're behind they're pulling up behind me. And I'm like, oh shit, I I don't have any room anymore. They've probably pulled up maybe eight feet, you know. Like the window is now eight feet from the other, you know, the car window. And uh I back up maybe two or three, maybe four feet just to keep them from hitting my car. Because I don't want a whole thing. I got the kid in the car, it's gonna be a whole fucking problem to have to exchange insurances, and I don't want to talk to someone who just got told I saw the fucking guy in the window go like this, this motion, which I don't I couldn't read his lips well enough from the angle I was at. But this means pull forward, you ordered too much goddamn food, and we didn't have all of it ready. So pull up there and you know we can bring it out. Yeah. Oh, dude, this bitch backs up right after that. Like I saw that happen. So I'm thinking they're move, you know what I mean? Like the natural series of events was occurring that happens every other time where they just fucking pull ahead, but they didn't pull ahead. They stop and they back the fuck up. I back up a little bit to get out of the way. And but I am, I can't be more than eight inches from their bumper when they stop. And they stop because they realize I can't move. The truck behind me's not moving, you're fucked. So this motherfucker cracks their door, or like I don't know exactly how they were talking. They did have their door cracked, but I'm not sure how much that was helping them talk to the now lady in the window. And I was pissed, and uh, the kids talking to me, so I'm turned around talking to her. I didn't see the change from the dude in the window to the chick in the window, but she's more of a manager, I guess. And she's explaining and uh she's got the lady's receipt. She they're like talking back and forth a whole bunch. And I noticed during this exchange, which takes I'm not shitting you, five minutes. I mean, it is it is a while we're sitting there waiting on this to end. It's so long.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

And the the the world is lucky that it wasn't me.

SPEAKER_04 37:47

I know, dude. I bro or lucky, honestly, that I had the kid in the car because I would have I I was still because and I I know this, and you may think I'm fucking capping, but I know this because That was what I thought, too.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

I was already he's about to be capping.

SPEAKER_04 38:06

I was already talking shit with the kid in the car.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Yeah. Because I don't doubt that.

SPEAKER_04 38:12

My little my little car is gonna be able to get out of here. Also, you're an old lady. Also, even if a big dude comes out, like, what are you gonna do? Like, what's really gonna happen here? I'm not scared of anything happening like that. I'm in a car. I can, you know, you're not nice, agent. I'm not scared of you. You're you know what I mean? I'm killing me while I'm in my car.

SPEAKER_02 38:32

I am zero percent involved in this situation, and I'm fucking pissed.

SPEAKER_04 38:36

It is getting pissed worthy, dude. It was bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

Nah, no, no, no, no. It got pissed worthy when that bitch put the fucking car in reverse. I would have been laying on the horn. Yeah. I mean get the f dude. I hope this old lady gets jabbed by an AIDS needle. Here's here's fucking why. No matter fucking what, no matter what, the issue is the entitled fucking white cuntness, unfucking aware, oblivious to other people of stopping and trying to reverse to argue at the fucking window. You've already been told to pull forward. Now, now my instinct when you were explaining this was you know, was predicting, right, that she got her food and they checked the bag as she was pulling away, they were missing the nuggets or fucking whatever, the sauce, and they wanted to fucking reverse and get it. No, no, no, no, no, no. No matter what, if it's that, if it's the receipt, if whatever, pull the fuck forward and walk your fucking lazy ass inside to dispute whatever the fuck you need to dispute rather than the five plus people that are behind you that are now going to have to sit there and witness you be an entitled old fucking cunt. Yeah. Yeah. And wait longer so that now the fucking the half-life on the heat of fucking fast food is short.

SPEAKER_04 40:07

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

French fries lose their heat quickly. Yeah. They're already probably been cooked and sitting in the fucking hotbox waiting to go out for a minute. Yeah. You're now guaranteeing that person two through five has cold food. Cold enough to be less enjoyable than it would have been if you weren't a fucking cunt. And the way that prices are going these days, if you're willing to drop some fucking cashola on some food and through a drive-thru or whatever, you need to get your goddamn money's worth. Yeah. And if you got a fucking kid in the car, they're impatient, whiny little fucking, you know. Yeah. All of that is what leads me to believe that this old lady deserves to be jabbed by an AIDS needle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

She was the kid was cool though, to her credit. This time, other times maybe she wouldn't have been, you know, she has the capacity to not be cool, but she was cool this time. She uh she was on my side. We were we were both talking shit.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

That old bitch has no way to fucking know that though.

SPEAKER_04 41:04

She repeated, she repeated some of the shit I was saying. It was pretty funny.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

Yeah, you fat old cunt move.

SPEAKER_04 41:11

Uh no, we uh so we're sitting there, and I see and I see the lady is trying to explain, and she's probably also saying, Um, can you please pull up? We can we can work this out with you out front, and I can get these other people taken care of. So uh I don't know, you know, I couldn't hear what was being said. Uh I just legit couldn't with the engines and shit, and you know, it was a few feet away. I just couldn't hear it. And uh I you know, we're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting. And as we're waiting, I I'm watching the conversational exchange and talking to the kid. I noticed the backup lights are still on. And I was like, oh no, this dumb bitch has been talking for so long, she's gonna forget that it's in reverse, and she's just gonna hit the gas and she's gonna fucking slam into my car. Well, finally, the conversation's done, and I see the driver turn in the seat uh to start driving again. And wouldn't you know it, back up? They backed up like probably six inches. Came really close to my car. I I had my hand on the fucking horn, and I was about to fucking, you know, as soon as that motherfucker started backing up, I was gonna beep it. But they stopped before I could engage, before I could hit it. It was it was so quick. It was like skirt, like really quick. They realized what they were doing, and uh they fucking got out of there. But I was like, I can't back up, you know? So I'm I can't back up out of your way now. I'm fucked. Yeah. So we're like, we're all fucked. You're fucking stupid. So they they pulled around. I pulled up immediately, had the food ready. It was probably ready for three minutes, and uh, and yeah, we got out of there. I bet you those nugs were lukewarm as a motherfucker. Uh, they weren't too bad, but uh, I didn't notice anyway. But uh maybe they had them under a heater or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:08

But uh they battery would have been dead, I would have been laying on the horn the whole fucking time. My alternator would have been screaming, dog. I can't keep up. The juice is loose. Like, get your fucking raggedy ass out of my way, old bitch.

SPEAKER_04 43:25

Yeah, dude, it was nuts. It was insane. I I couldn't believe this bitch did that, but I just fuck you, you piece of shit to that lady. Yeah. Uh, you know, the McDonald's staff seem to be really patient with this bitch, so yeah. Thank you to you for unfortunately to them.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

They should have been like, bitch, fucking pull up.

SPEAKER_04 43:43

Thank you for your service, McDonald's workers.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

If it was a blacker McDonald's, that bitch would have been hit right upside the forehead with a fucking a full 32 ounce cup of ice.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

Yeah. We don't we don't pay you enough McDonald's workers. True. I'm gonna go all Bernie Sanders right now and say and say that you got. Really showed some resolve in that moment, and that old lady did not.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

Yeah. She moved to a merit-based system based on the number of annoying white ladies that come through the drive-through. Yeah. That's how much they should get paid more. Percentage-wise, yeah. Hell yeah. All right, bro. Word. Oh, we got a next segment. We got another fucking. We're gonna keep it rolling like uh like limp biscuit. Yeah. To pronounce it properly. We got another segment coming right in. Chamillionaire, too. True.

SPEAKER_03 44:30

Ladies and gentlemen, here's Tyler's top ten list. Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

Arguably uh ludicrous. Roll out. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

unknown 44:41

All right.

SPEAKER_04 44:42

He does say rolling on 20s, I think, at some point.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

That's true. That's true. I'm sure Nelly says floating. Uh the word once or twice. Yeah. Uh I got a top five list for you boys and girls this week.

unknown 44:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:55

Uh this one's just kind of a fun, silly one. Okay. Nothing too crazy. All right. This is my uh top five degenerate bucket list items. Oh. Right? You know, visiting Paris doesn't sound all that fun when you're a piece of shit like me. Yeah. Uh so I thought of like what would be some if I were to to create a list of things that I want to do before I die, that is like degenerate fucking crazy shit. Um, some things on this list, I will admit, I've already done. But I didn't want to leave it out for you know any of you other fellow degenerates that maybe haven't checked this off the list. If you're going over your your Android fucking whatever Samsung Notes app, you fucking poor bastard. Um and and checking stuff off your list. Uh maybe you haven't done some of these, whatever. Uh number five, just wanted to get it out of the way. This is it has to be on every dude's degenerate bucket list. We've all thought about it. We all jack off to it probably once in a while. Try an anal with a check. Oh just popping your pecker in the old no-no zone, going in the exit door, getting some brown on your purple, yeah, doing the thing. It's it's not the go-to, but it is like uh, you know, you gotta do it once. You just gotta, you gotta get in there and see what it's all about. You learn pretty quickly it ain't the bee's knees, yeah, the V's knees. Um it's just alright. Um, but still, you know, horny brain wants what horny brain wants.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:39

And I'll tell you, as a man who's had his penis inside of a woman's asshole, it was okay, it was fine. I know that. However, I still, every once in a while, I just want to go, you know, a little nostalgia. Yeah. You know, I just want to pop it in there and see what's good. Yeah, okay. Um, five dollar topic. I I was close. Um, but anyway, that's number five to to revisiting that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh number four, go a little off the rails here. Yeah. Piss off the top of a New York skyscraper. Nice.

SPEAKER_04 47:14

That's sick.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

Cause like anytime you're on any type of bridge or whatever, like a fucking footbridge or something, you know, you lean over the side, you're looking at the water, you're appreciating the nature. You hawk a little loogie, watch it splash down in the water, and the first thing you think is like, man, I could pee off of this. It's gotta be. Yeah, you want to pull your pecker out, you just want to see the stream, how far down it goes, the noise it makes when it hits the bottom. Yeah, you know, if I'm ever on top of a skyscraper in New York, you best fucking believe I'm gonna be looking over my shoulder for security because I want to fucking squeeze a few piss crystals out, you know? Just little little pisses, some stream. I just want a little stream going. A little fucking screen.

SPEAKER_04 47:57

You gotta cut it off though.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

Yeah, just squeeze a little out. Oh just pssst, you know.

SPEAKER_04 48:03

Then you'll have to piss real bad. That's fine. You'll have to actually go in and piss wherever the bathroom is. It's worth it, dude.

SPEAKER_02 48:09

It's worth it. If it's late enough at night and there's nobody around, like if I'm on a balcony on the phone. Oh, if it's dark, yeah, you could probably get away with that. Bro, I was in Atlanta a few years ago and I was staying at this dude's crib uh during a fucking I was on acid at this dude's house during a base nectar thing. Yeah, yeah. Back in back before COVID. And uh we were on like the 28th something, it was very, very high. We had a very good view of the whole city. You best motherfucking believe I pissed off that balcony.

SPEAKER_04 48:37

Oh, so you've done this. Yeah. You just want to do it off the roof this time. Is that what I mean? Is that what the bucket list is?

SPEAKER_02 48:43

On a skyscraper?

SPEAKER_04 48:44

Yeah, at the top, right?

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Like 300 feet off the ground and shit.

SPEAKER_04 48:48

You were almost 300. I guess I don't remember. I didn't really do the math on that. You were like 280, dude. Isn't it about 10 feet a story?

SPEAKER_02 48:56

We were very I remember it was like the 20-something floor. Still do this a couple hundred feet up.

SPEAKER_04 49:01

That's that's a high piss. You gotta be in a high percentile of height of piss in humanity. Yeah, no one's ever I don't I've never thought of that. I've been on like all the like condos I've been in on vacations and shit. I've never thought of that. Really? Never thought to piss off the bow. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

Now you're not gonna be able to not piss.

SPEAKER_04 49:23

Not in earnest, not like I would actually do that. I would be so afraid of getting caught. Well, you weren't on acid, were you? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:31

You weren't fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 49:32

That's crazy. That would be something for sure.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Dude, it was cool as fuck, though, because like not only was it just like dope as fuck in every way you can imagine. Like, this dude had a very nice apartment, very high up, whatever, very good view. We're on acid, we're having a good time, good music, blaring, and uh he had these fucking uh these like cardboard glasses that had these frames inside or lenses inside that if you put them on and like say you had a lamp turned on and you looked at the lamp, it would make it so there's like these holographic snowmen that project out into the world. So standing on the balcony, tripping my balls off, I put these glasses on and I look out, and all the city lights at three o'clock in the morning, whatever, we're fucking creating all these like projected 3D snowmen out into the world. And then you stand there and you notice that every time you move your head a little bit, they move too. So at one point, I'm standing out on the balcony with my dick out with these glasses on, and I'm bobbing my head left and right like a fucking retard, watching the snowman dance out in the out in the distance, giggling like a fucking moron. It was very cool. It was a it was a fun time, but uh yeah. Pee off of tall things, it feels cool. Number three on the top five bucket list items. This is one I've never done that I've always wanted to do. I still to this day, I feel like I've gotta somehow make it happen. Two words glory hole.

SPEAKER_04 51:22

Oh dude.

SPEAKER_02 51:25

There's just something about you go somewhere, real sketchy, you stick your pecker through a hole, and some random woman just starts blowing you. How do you know it's a woman? Well, that's the thing. That's part of why it's so sketchy. Well, yeah. Ask our buddy Nick.

SPEAKER_04 51:45

It's almost like, you know, I don't want to know who's sucking my dick, and I want it, I want there to be a small chance that it's a man. Oh. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 51:53

I mean, that's like if that's your thing, glory holes are your thing. If that's you, that's cool, man. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 51:59

That's totally fine if that's you. No, it's not me. I'm saying that's gotta be what's going through people's minds.

SPEAKER_02 52:06

For me, it's the anonymity. It's the anonymity, but it has to, you know, I don't I'm not gonna fucking tear down the wall and shoot somebody if a dude starts sucking my pecker. But like, you know, you feel some whiskers. There's a fucking hole in the wall that you can kind of peek through and see there's a chick over there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's not like you can't lean over and look. Just kind of get an eyeball. Like, oh, you see like a thigh? Yeah. Unmistakably female.

SPEAKER_04 52:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:35

That's all the information I need. At that point, the dice have been the die have been cast, as they say. My dick's going through that hole, and it's I I'll be honest, I'm I'm a guy that prides myself on the ability to hold my nut and go as long as I need to. I'm gonna come fast. I'm gonna be jazzed up. Especially if it's a dude. If that's you, that's fine. You keep your predilections on that side of the couch, Mr. Hold My Fucking Hand in the middle of the show.

SPEAKER_04 53:12

Hey, our show is a little homoerotic, dude. That's fine. We just have to come to peace with that.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

I'm just being as honest about the glory hole situation as I can be.

SPEAKER_04 53:22

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

If I if I I'm not gonna go to a glory hole knowing a dude's gonna suck me off, but I'm also not gonna fucking raise hell if a dude sucks me off in a glory hole situation. If I'm at the point in my life where I feel degenerate enough to stick my to actually do it, I can jack off to the porno of it all I want, and that tickles enough of the fancy to get me going and get me by. But if I'm at a point of degeneracy in my life where I feel like it's time to physically go do this, yeah, I'm already at a place where I'm making questionable decisions. Yeah. You know, I'm just gonna accept fate. Okay. If I look, I see if I see a f a female thigh, but somehow a whisker scratches my pecker. All right, we're here, we're doing it. It's over. It's fine, you know.

SPEAKER_04 54:12

Well, most recently, the the glory hole with the dude behind it issue came up, you know. The last time glory holes came up, right on our show, you know.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

Well, that's so I think that's why it's front of mind for that's why I think not because I'm gay, I think probably what would happen to me is exactly what happened to Nick.

SPEAKER_04 54:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

A girl a girl would start it off, and then some fucking, you know, bisexual husband situation's gonna happen. Yeah. And as long as the, you know, what's going on feels nice, I'm not gonna fucking raise hell.

SPEAKER_04 54:47

Oh, she just took a break. That's definitely what happened.

SPEAKER_02 54:50

Yeah, yeah. She just needed to uh, you know, hawkaloogie or something.

SPEAKER_04 54:55

I'm just gonna pretend the hands don't feel more calloused now.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Number two on the top five list of degenerate bucket list items. Another one I've never done before. Might sound like it's coming a little bad out of left field, but if you really think about it, it'd kind of be pretty fucking sick.

SPEAKER_03 55:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 55:18

Actually, you know what? I made an in the moment decision. I made a game time decision. I'm switching number two and number one around. Buzzer beater. Yeah. Number two, pretty simple, straightforward. I think we may have all done this, perhaps not even on purpose, and we might even not even know we did this. Oh get away with a felony.

SPEAKER_04 55:38

Oh, okay. Yeah. We definitely have done this.

SPEAKER_02 55:43

Yeah, it just depends. It just depends. Um, I think like, you know, a nice, a nice lick. Get a nice little lick on the system, you know. You walk away scot-free, knowing that you did it on purpose is really where it it it shines. You know, you pull some pull a fucking fast one, you know.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

Oh, I just meant like I had like enough drugs on me or something. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 56:09

Like that doesn't really count.

SPEAKER_04 56:10

Like I had enough weed that it's a felony or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 56:13

I don't is a is a DOI a felony? I feel like it's not, but I don't know. I'm not a fucking it can be, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:19

It for sure can be, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:21

I've done some fucking reckless shit in my day, but it didn't feel like I was getting away with anything. I was just having fun, and I just happened to also be breaking the law. I'm talking about like you make a plan and you fucking execute it. Yeah. You know, you beat a a pedophile within an inch of his life. Yeah. You feel pretty good about that. You got away with it, whatever. You know what happens. You fucking, you know, maybe you're down on your luck and you rob a drug dealer. Yeah. Feels pretty good. The time I would imagine.

SPEAKER_04 56:50

My friend the time my friend broke a window, uh, of his ex-girlfriend's window, I drove him away from that. So that was that was something. Dope. That was definitely abetting property damage. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

When I was a kid, when I was a child, by the way, just saying this for any lawyers or uh uh enforcement that might be listening. I was a I was an adolescent. We had a teacher we didn't like very much that was a bitch. And we fucking took a rock, a big old fucking rock, as if it were from the Bible. Yeah, a biggin. And we fucking dude, we mangled that bitch's mailbox into oblivion.

SPEAKER_04 57:28

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 57:29

We just were walking around at like 11 30 p.m. an hour and a half past our bedtime. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 57:38

And uh, you know, big hoss, me, the big boy of the group, yeah, picked up this rock the size of a fucking the strong man. He is uh the fat kid. How big was it? Uh I would say, okay, take a football, uh-huh, stretch it four inches horizontally. Oh. Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm I'm imagining the rock, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rock itself. Uh it was like not the wrestler. It was like four inches wider than a football and maybe two inches shorter.

SPEAKER_04 58:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 58:12

You know, and it kind of like tapered off at the edge. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:15

So like a stepping stone almost.

SPEAKER_02 58:16

Almost, yeah. It was probably a good 15-pound rock. Nice. And I fucking picked that son of a bitch up and I and I fucking I smashed and I smashed. And we fucking caved it in all the way, flat as a pancake. Yeah. And then I took the rock and I swung it like a fucking bat and I knocked I knocked the pancake off the post. Nice. And fucking kicked it into her yard. Oh yeah, dude. I was like, take that, Miss Simmons, you fucking bitch. You fucking suck. Nice. That'll teach you to make me write a paper or whatever it was. I don't know. I don't remember what she did. I just remember we all hated her.

SPEAKER_04 58:56

Took my vape away, you bitch. Took my phone away or whatever it was.

SPEAKER_02 59:00

This is this is what's crazy. Took my tech deck away. Vapes did not exist. The the the thought of vaporizing a liquid with nicotine in it did not occur to a single human being ever when this happened.

SPEAKER_04 59:12

Damn. That's crazy. So tech deck could have been the thing.

SPEAKER_02 59:15

Could have been a tech, could have been my fucking Nokia. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I don't remember. But she sucked. Um, so yeah. Getting away with a felony. Pretty high up on the list. Feels pretty cool. Number one.

SPEAKER_04 59:28

One wait, real quick. I don't know if this counts, but one time I had a tech deck at school and I was fucking with it on my lunch tray, you know? Like doing shit from one compartment of the lunch tray to the other. Very cool. And uh, I'm like 12, you know. And uh and at least it's not a doll, you know. Yeah. And my hand is the doll and on the on the skateboard. And uh, so then I noticed like the guidance counselor lady kind of was pacing closer to our position, me and my friends. So I stuck it underneath like the side where you would put your fork or whatever. And in that little skinny compartment on the side, I put it up underneath the lip of the tray where you really couldn't see it. I mean, it was pretty hidden. That's how I used to steal chocolate milk, but go on. And I was like, I'll chill like this for a bit until the bitch walks away and we're good. But she came over to our table, like around the table where she had uh where she could confirm that I had this, you know? And she was like, uh, hey, she said something about it, you know, slyly, but did not take it away from me. Nice. So I got away with a felony that day.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:35

I feel like it felt like it felt like it. Right, yeah. Uh, I feel like guidance counselors are probably on average more chill. Probably, yeah. They've heard everyone's problems, they've been grizzled by the all that. So they're like, half the kids in the school are getting molested. Let's just let them do their fucking skateboard thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:52

Whatever, like a little skateboard, whatever. Their little fingerboard, cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:56

You just put it away, take it out later when no one's around.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:59

If the principal comes, I'll get in trouble because you have it. That's why I can't reason I can't.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:04

It's so much easier to relate to those people now that we're in our 30s. Right, yeah. It's just like, I don't want, I don't want to be around all these fucking snot now, cocksuckers.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:13

You look back on it and it's like, that's what that was. Yeah, like they weren't a dick, they were actually one of the cooler ones. Yeah, they just didn't want to get fucking bitched at. Right. No, she was cool, she didn't take it. She was just like, Don't don't play with it again. Like, yeah, yeah. What a lady.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:28

Yeah, what a gal. Uh speaking of gals.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:31

I don't remember her name. Wish I could shout her out. Yeah. I mean, I want to say it's Miss Morrison, but I that could be wrong.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:36

Yeah. You never know. It's hard to remember though. The ones that stick with you are the ones that you really liked or really fucking hated. Right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:45

Had strong emotions about you. Yeah. Yep. Um okay, you said you're number one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:49

Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, number one is uh it's definitely one I've never done. It's probably one I'll never do, just based on access and like the the amount of hoops you gotta go through to get this done. But I feel like in my heart of hearts, if you're a true degenerate fucking scumbag, wink wink, you know, not a piece of shit, but a fucking, you know, just a fucking uh just a skeiser. Just a little fucking skeezer, dude. You're gonna this is gonna relate, you're gonna relate to this hard. Robbie from the Spotify comments is gonna be like, yeah, dude, this is my wife's goal now. Nice. Fuck a female prisoner in a conjugal visit.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:34

Oh, yeah, dude. In a conjugal visit, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:41

A real fucking grime lord of a bitch, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:46

A crime lord and a grime lord, it's the same dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:50

Yeah, queen pin, dude. Just getting pegged by a fucking just the fucking most ghetto bitch from the trailer park. Damn. Got caught cooking. Yeah, you know, yeah, slanging that jizz.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:05

Yeah. Hell yeah. Fuck, dude. That's a crazy prospect.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:12

It is, yeah. It's it's a lot to think about.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:17

How would you ever make that happen?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:18

It's not my bucket list. It's my version of a bucket list for I'm not that much, you know, I'm not that far gone.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:25

Yeah. So so okay, so let's let's unpack this just a little bit. So would you search through mugshots to find, you know, a lady you like the looks of, and then you start sending her letters? I think there's see what's up with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:40

I think there's a few different ways you can tackle this beast. I think one way would be that you just start dating a bunch of fucking, you know. Criminals? Yeah. And you know, you know recidivism rates.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:53

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:54

You know, you just date a bitch that's got felonies.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:56

Especially if she's a minority.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was dating a girl on fucking on probation that if she made one wrong move, right back in prison. I could have been fucking her, you know, in a conjugal. It could have happened for me. Uh-huh. Uh so that that's like circumstances, right? You get you land there and it's not a targeted thing. Yeah. Uh, you could target dating criminal women that might go back, likely will, especially depending on, like you said.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:23

But how do you get the conjugal? That's the thing. Like you have to you would almost have to move to a state where that happens if it doesn't happen here.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:31

I have no idea. You know, I haven't done a lot of research on this. I just thought about it as a concept of it being cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:37

Well, like if it happens in the south more, you would have to just, you know, be be like pen pals with a bitch who's in jail in Georgia and then, you know, go go take a trip to visit her, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:47

Yeah. Well, I feel like too, like, you know, especially in in female prisons, if you live near one, is that's a that's a big bonus. Because I don't know where female prisons are where we live. Yeah, I don't either. Um I feel like, you know, they've got two really solid ways of smuggling stuff into prison. And one's in the front and one's in the back.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:08

You know, they got a wallet and a fucking keister. So they can sneak some shit in. Um, and and you could maybe stumble upon on Tinder or whatever, you know, a girl in some orange fucking jumpsuit in action. It's possible if you live near one of those. I don't know. Facebook, perhaps. Yeah. You know, they're out there like, we still, we still in here with our soups and shit. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

unknown 1:05:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:38

Throw some money in my commissary, I'll suck you off, that kind of deal. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Pull one of those off. Yeah. Uh the pen pal thing, I don't I guess that still exists. I don't know. It's kind of like there's certain things that I see in in media, ta television movies that I'm not sure how common it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:54

I mean, I feel like I've seen it in enough documentaries. True.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:58

It does happen. Yeah. If you just go to a ladies' prison you know, I feel like you could just go there.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:06

I don't think you can. I think you can. You would have to be visiting someone specifically, I feel like. Yeah. But then how I'm wondering where still in twenty twenty six conjugal visits happen. I just don't know that they do anymore.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:22

I think it's because we don't live in women's visits.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:24

That's a movie thing. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe all of it's a movie thing. Nobody ever writes letters and nobody ever has conjugal visits.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:33

I think the conjugal thing, like you have to be married to the chick. Oh. So maybe you marry a bitch and then she goes to prison, or you marry a bitch that's in prison.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:42

Yeah, that is a thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:44

Fuck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:45

Well, fuck that.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:46

That is a lot of hoops to jump in. It's a lot of hoops to jump in.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:50

I didn't realize that was one of the hoops. That's nuts.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:52

I think that's part of the deal. But um, you know. Perhaps you're hard up. Perhaps you married a fucking scoozer, dude. You never know. Yeah, I guess. Oh man. Well, boys and girls, um I feel like we did it. I mean, we're we're over an hour now. I feel like we did it. Unless you want to You think so? You know, there's one other little thing we could do.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:22

It's up to you. I'll leave it up to you.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:25

Dude, it's uh it's pretty short.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:26

I think we're gonna preempt it by saying that I am legitimately about to piss myself. So we could pause. Yeah, let's pause. Pause and come back. Yeah. Hey man, you guys didn't even have to know that that happened because we're so we're so clean with it. And as if it never happened, we have returned. Um last little frickin' schmiggle of the sode. Why did I say it like that? We got one more segment. You like that real-time fade out I did on that shit, dog? That was pretty neat. I think it might be the way to go. Um, yeah, we got a short little fucking spurgy spook story for you guys. Um, I'm not sure. Is this is this our pal? It is our pal. Oh my god. Of course it's our pal. What's his name again? Local chef. Local fucking chef cooked up another one for us. A nice short one. We're gonna bang it out here and get the fuck out of you. You ready? Yes. Oh, I hear it now.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:45

Uh the name of this story is The Elevator has a button with the number seven. There's only five floors.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:56

Dude. You know how bad I just want to make this the whole show? Part one.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:05

Oh, part one. Yep, you're gonna have to tune in next week for part two. Or maybe two weeks from now, whenever we do it again.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:13

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:16

Should I do black or should I do should I just keep it white?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:20

Did you read enough ahead to know if we I don't think it is.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:22

I think it's just regular tone. I don't think it's the security guard tone. Okay. Uh we might find out quickly though. We'll see. We'll see. Alright, I'll just do it anyway. I live in a pretty big city, and we have mostly apartments. It's nothing bad, but I decided that almost all the apartment buildings have five floors.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:43

Wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:45

You just that up. I don't know where I got decided from. Oh, okay anyway. Sorry, sorry. I was like the T I C maybe. I uh but that doesn't matter. I decided. There's a D at the end. Did I read it backwards? What the fuck just happened? But I noticed the black voice is fucking me up. But I noticed that almost all of the apartment buildings have five floors. Only one has more floors, but it's for rich people. So what's up with the title? I'll explain. Oh. Okay. I was in my room doing some work on my computer when I got a call from a number I didn't know. I didn't really pay attention to it, so I just picked it up. Hello, I said, pausing what I was doing. A couple of seconds later, a quiet banging sound could be heard. Then the collar hung up. I pulled my phone away from my ear and took a look at it. The call was still ongoing. I was about to put it on speaker, but then the collar hung up. Again, I guess? I put my phone on my desk. What the fuck? Is someone after me? I said, half joking. Quite okay. I looked back at my monitor. Then my phone started to ring again. I looked, and it's my boss. I picked it up and put him on speaker. You there, champ? My boss said with his soft voice. Oh, nice. Are you there, champ? Yeah, that's how I have to read it now. Yeah, what's going on? I replied. Now I was tapping on my desk. The last call got me somewhat stressed. Look, kid er Look, kiddo. I need you here. I'm low on manpower right now, so I need you. My boss said, Speaking. Speaking like an officer in World War II?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:41

What the fuck? He went from soft to Listen here, soldier.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:46

I need you on the front lines as we speak. Yeah. The the Jerriys are coming at us hard and strong. We gotta save all them kikes from that fucking advance chamber. What the fuck happened, dude? What a goddamn shift.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:03

I got my dick in Europe and my balls in Japan. I sighed. It is my day off. But what if I get a bonus? I'm low on cash anyway. As I was about to open my mouth, my boss was faster. I know it's your day off, but I will pay you handsomely. I know it's your day off, but I will pay you handsomely.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:29

Get in there, soldier! You get behind the wheel of that tank and you bring that abrams down on them goddamn krauts. I'll make sure you're rewarded in the afterlife when you cross this the lines of Valhalla and you join them soldiers up there in heaven, and you look down on them burning fucking Japs and goots down there in hell with Satan. You will be rewarded with the kingdom of heaven.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:02

That is that's what the World War II officers referred to them as.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:07

I'm just being uh historically accurate.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:10

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:10

They used language with I fully disagree with that type of language.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:16

Them zipper headed fucking trout looking motherfuckers with their gook-dyed fucking slanted bullshit. You send them kamikaze write their asses on down to hell. Hoorah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:32

Oh my god. Oh shit, okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:39

Uh yeah, so fully disavow that language, by the way. I know I know it's your day off, but I will pay you.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:52

You just said all of them. And you found a way to make all of them work in the sentence.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:59

Oh fuck, that got me hard. It's like he took the question right from my mind. The question about it being his day off and being paid more. Fine. When I said that, he just hung up. I yawned, not ready for today, but I need the money. I got ready and headed out. I live on the fifth floor, so I went over to the elevators. But I noticed a piece of paper on the metal doors. Out of order. Oh no. Well, that's great. Both out. I'm a lazy guy, I won't lie. But I guess I have to use the stairs. While I was walking toward the stair area is black. While I was walking toward the stair area. I mean he did say he does say stair area, so maybe. While I was walking toward the stair area, I noticed the elevator for staff is still working. I looked around and decided to use it. Oh when I got into it, it was much smaller than our elevator.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

I thought of the soldier thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:06

I thought of the soldier thing again. It's still getting me. When I got into it, it was much smaller than our elevator, but I'm not going to complain.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:16

Must be Japanese made.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:19

While I was about to hit the first floor, I noticed the buttons. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Six, seven. How's that possible?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:29

It's a TikTok elevator.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:33

Uh once one the six has one eye, the seven has another eye, and there's arms coming out of either side of those buttons. How's that possible? How are there two more floors? I stood there confused, not really knowing what the fuck was going on. But I clicked the first floor. While I was going down, I kept staring at the buttons. Why? Before I could think more, the doors opened, and I quickly ran out so I wouldn't get spotted. Alright, I'm making the Oh, okay. Alright. And then they asked for comment from the fucking, you know, from the Reddit community.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:08

Oh, okay. So that's the end of the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:11

He said, Alright, I'm making this to ask. What should I do? Should I see what those buttons do? Oh, I guess I could have read that. I'm at work right now writing this while on break. Please let me know.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:20

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:21

Someone said, Too early here. What the hell is happening? And then he says, Should I give you a short version? And they said, Yes, please. So here's a short version of what we're doing. Oh, okay. We got a little bit of follow-up. All right. So in my city, all the apartments need to have five floors. That's weirder than decided. Uh-huh. Oh my god. I don't know why, but that's how it is. That's the building codes. When I was leaving, I went to the elevators. They weren't working. And because I'm lazy, I took the staff elevator.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:50

He's just summarizing what already happened.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:52

Yeah, I know. Yes, they have their own elevator, and I noticed the buttons six, seven, and they should shouldn't be there. That's why I'm asking if I should explore. And then someone put update. This is a month ago, and there is a second story that I will read next week. I have it saved. And it I think it was like it was a few days later. And it is, it's it's a little longer. It's probably like another third long.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:18

I'm hoping he um he gets in the elevator and he presses six and seven back to back. She's pop pop six seven, boo-boom. And then uh the door opens and it's the Rizzler and the Costco guys. And they're just like, ha ha, get it.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:29

And they stab him.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:31

Six seven. They stab him with all their dead eyes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:35

Staring at him.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:36

We love Costco. And their teeth, their shit, their jaws unhinged. And they're like, You look like a chicken bake. And they fucking eat him. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:47

A dollar fifty for a hot dog in a soda.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:51

Let's paint the elevator red. With your blonde.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:55

Yeah, that'd be awesome. I don't know which one of them speaks that highly, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:59

It's probably Rizzler. The Costco guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:01

Oh yeah. There's a kid. Yeah, true, true, true. Yeah. That is that is just dude. How? How did that pop up on my feed back when it was popping up on people's feeds? That was just the worst abomination of all time. Like, I mean Dylan Mulvaney created an entire firestorm around a beer brand with one video. And those motherfuckers got away with not getting publicly executed, making thousands of videos. Yeah. And just like I and I would I I would so much rather watch. And I don't want to watch Dylan Mulvaney, but their content is so it makes me want to put my head through a fucking wall. You know?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:52

Yeah, no, it's it's for a demographic of people that uh should be executed via firing squad.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:00

That's so bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:01

They're just fucking slackjawed retards.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:04

Disney adult types, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:05

Yeah, slackjawed type of thing. Slackjawed retards is kind of mouth breathing fucking just fat consumer pathetic. All the words.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:15

Hey man, what do you do? Consume. Yeah. I go to the I go to the store. Yeah, but don't you like do you work out now?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:22

No, I buy 40 rolls. I f I buy 45 rolls of toilet paper. Yeah. And um you ever had the chicken bake at Costco is pretty good. What do you do though? Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, they have like uh the chicken. Um it's pretty good. The samples, yeah, like peanut butter. Fucking shut up.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:44

The subjects of that song All You Can Eat by Ben Foltz. That's that's who we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:49

The the people in the fucking thing in Wally and the the, you know. Yes, those folks. Yeah. That are already like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:57

When is that set? Like a thousand years from now, five hundred years from now?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:01

I think so.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:02

They're already there.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:03

You know, have you seen the video? Have you seen the video of the the fat Disney adults doing the fucking arm dances on the monorail? They're like riding on the monorail and doing the arm dances.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:13

Some say their arms are still jiggling.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:17

They probably are.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:20

Fucking shockwaves.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:22

They're sell you lighting it up, brother. Nice.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:25

Oh fuck. Yeah, that's uh that's a group of people that uh I have choose chosen to not just never associate with, I've disassociated from them existing. I uh I enter a K-hole when they come up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:41

Special K. Actually not. Uh what's another K that the Kit Kat, maybe? Yeah. There's the K for fats.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:48

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:49

Not special K. I mean, maybe they would they would you start eating that when you're fat though, to get to get slimmer.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:55

30 fucking spoons of sugar in it. It's like the herald from Hay Arnold thing. He's like, get the low fat French pops because there's half as much fat. Yeah, but you're eating twice as many of them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:09

Yeah. First Tenacious uh D album had that as well.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:14

Right, right. He says, I uh I'll get the filet of fish sandwich because I'm I'm watching my figure.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets a diet whatever drink.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:23

Right, right, yeah. He's like let me get the uh junior Western bacon chi. The junior western bacon chi. Yeah, dude. Cherry's Jubilee, and that's it.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:35

Everyone around our age that every dude around our age that tried to play guitar as a teenager that at least started to try, at the very fucking least, let alone played for a little bit. Uh any any dude that asked for a guitar for Christmas, you know, has heard that. Has heard that tenacious DCD, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:55

My favorite part of that, dude, it's so that that little skit on that album, it's so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:01

There's a there's several good ones.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:02

Because he's like boner push-ups, cock pushups. Lists all the food he wants at the drive-thru. Yeah, yeah. And then he goes, uh, and then Cherry's Jubilee, and that's it, which is like it's to be presumed as like a very, you know, indulgent dessert.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:17

And then he goes, Oh, wait, did you want anything? Guy from Tenacious D. He's like, Yeah, let me get, I mean, yeah, let me get the uh the regular Western bacon cheeseburger. And uh he's like, Oh my god, come on with the fucking order! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just spent 15 minutes ordering up the menu. He's like, Yes, read it up. Okay, okay, yeah, just the Western basin bacon cheeseburger, and that's it. All right. Yeah, man, that f I need to go back and just like that's good, man, front to back it again, because it's been too long.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:54

Dude, every uh even the later ones are okay, or at least the later one. I don't know how many they did, but they did a like later one in like 2017, 2018, somewhere in there. And it's it's fine, like it's cool, it's funny. It's still the yeah. I'm not like obsessed with Jack Black or anything, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:10

I definitely was when I was a teenager.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:12

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:12

I was much more into him uh when I was way younger, but I still think uh, you know, when I if he comes across anything I'm watching or you know, scrolling or whatever, I'm not gonna skip it.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:22

Right, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:23

He's it's always it's always pleasant.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:26

Right. He's still cool, but uh, it's not the same. Once you've seen all of his shit, you know, you he's you've seen all the tricks, you know? For sure. Doesn't really hit you anymore. Yeah. Alright. You're a decent singer. Yeah, you can play guitar and you do funny off the cuff shit. Like uh just he's just randomly funny and shit. All the time. And that gets captured in everything he's in, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:47

All the movies hold up. School rock, still a fucking banger, dude. Yeah. Very good. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:53

Pick a destiny, noise. Very good. They're probably not gonna do another movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:57

The TV show, even on uh whatever it was, Comedy Central. HBO. HBO. But yes, very funny. The six episodes is Lee. Yeah, yeah. I had a friend named Lee. Guess spell, spell me. Very good stuff. Anyway, um, let us know.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:19

It's a love letter to Jack Black right at the end of the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:22

Why not? Just came up orgasmically, organically. Uh let us know the spotty commies. Yeah, dude. That's what we call it now. Just now we came up with that. I did right by myself. Spotify comments, let us know what you think about the new format. Is it too much? You know, do you want to spread out more? Whatever. Yeah. Let your opinion be heard.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:43

Yeah. Um fuck you piece of shit is not every week. Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:47

Or just let us know what's up. You know, whatever. See if we should it be every week. There'll still be a little there'll be a little bit of variation. Yeah, for sure. That was kind of like everything. Boom, right at you. You know, that's that's what it would be like if it's everything. You know, we'll probably be, you know, weeks where it's there's no fuck you piece of shit, but maybe there's a little bit more stories, or maybe there's no stories this week, and we both have a fuck you piece. There'll be a little bit of variation, but we're gonna try to fit what has worked the whole time into one episode as much as we can. Yeah. Would you rather fuck you piece of shit? Uh the top fives and the spurgy spooks. And then there will still be occasions where the whole episode is stories if we've got good ones.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:29

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:30

Um, other than that, check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash fartmouth, fartmouth.com, click the Patreon button, throw us a couple of bucks. If you um are one of the motherfucking homies and you want to throw down with the boys, yeah. We spent almost the whole$1 this week talking about Fart Party 3 coming up this summertime. Come party with us, throw down, get drunk, get hi. It's gonna be a good time. Lay out in the backyard, look up at the stars. We're gonna do a live recording of an episode so you can come and sit in the two fart garage and uh hang out with us. Party down. It'll be a blast. Guaranteed. Yep. Or your funny back. Anyway. Thanks for listening, boys. We fucking love you. Take it easy. I'm just gonna ignore that. Funny black. I'm gonna ignore it.